In a delightful new piece of humorous short fiction in The New Yorker, writer Ali Fitzgerald explores a nightmarish scenario that has certainly haunted me for many a night: what if Joe Rogan was a multiversal constant, someone who was everything, everywhere, all at once, no matter which parallel universe you visited?
I'm shuddering as I type this.
After overhearing part of a podcast titled "Why Count Chocula is a Groomer," I decided to whip through planes of existence (no need to go into the specifics of how) in order to prove that we are living in the worst dimension. I scoured the multiverse in search of true peace—a world without Joe Rogan.
Alternate Universe No. 1
The first world I checked out was one in which Napoleon had triumphed at the battle of Waterloo, in 1815, making much of the planet Greater France. The atmosphere was aggressive, but the air smelled of buttered pastries and universal health care. A young man in a bicorn hat handed me a business card shaped like a guillotine. His title? Podcaster. I began backing away, but he explained that his podcast was about evolving hair styles in Godard films.
I've Visited Every World in the Multiverse, and, Unfortunately, Joe Rogan Exists in All of Them [Ali Fitzgerald / The New Yorker]
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