How much would you pay to go on an 8-day Gone Girl-themed cruise?

Gillian Flynn's unreliably-narrated noir thriller Gone Girl was an enormous hit upon its release in 2012; even the David Fincher movie adaptation was a massive success. So naturally, someone thought it would be great idea to spin this twisted tale of murder, lies, and infidelity off into a … vacation cruise?

Over in Slate, Imogen West-Knights recalls the wild experience of the 8 days she spent on a Gone Girl-themed cruise along the Danube. The novel is largely set in Missouri, an ocean and a continent away from that Eastern European river, so why was the cruise there? Unclear — and also, probably the least concerning part of this adventure.

And West-Knights' cruise experience was, uhh, definitely an adventure. Here's a taste:

Nancy and Barb are neighbors from Iowa. Martha and Barb are friends from Missouri, and they have picked up Judith, from Florida, who is cruising alone because of her husband's ill health. They are unspeakably nice to me. I hear the word "neat" more times over the course of this dinner than I have heard in my 30 years of life previous to it. I am shocked to find out that Nancy, looking as sprightly as she does, is 81, and I tell her so. "Well, baby, you don't look a day over 12," she says.

"Oh, we love Gone Girl," one of the Barbs says. "Great page turner, and she has such a dark mind. You wouldn't know to look at her."

We all do look at her, sitting across the dining room with her group of friends.

"Is there much onion in the onion tart?" the other Barb asks a waiter. There is.

Is there a murder mystery on the cruise? Who keeps asking the guests about butt sex? What does any of this have to do with Gillian Flynn herself, who keeps appearing and disappearing from the boat — or the slideshow of corpse photographs found in a remote Austrian remote cellar?

I won't give anything away, because you should read West-Knights' bizarre journalistic thriller for yourself:

My Eight Deranged Days on the Gone Girl Cruise [Imogen West-Knights]