It's Oregon Trail, but you have dysentery all the time and it doesn't kill you

Like many red-blooded Americans, I spent countless hours of my youth on the fabled Oregon Trail, killing my family as I tried to caulk to river, and/or shitting myself to death.

But what if dysentery didn't kill you? What if it just … gave you constant diarrhea, making your journey along the Oregon Trail even more tedious and frustrating because you have to keep pulling over to poop, or else stinking up your wagon with shit-stained underwear?

That's the premise of You Have Not Died of Dysentery, a new free online game from programmers Steven Nass and Ivy Hu (who previously created Dr. Mario with modern health insurance) along with Peter Henningsen. You Have Not Died of Dysentery is a faithful recreation of the classic Oregon Trail computer game. Except you shit yourself a lot. Fortunately, without dying! Plus, you brought plenty of reading material along for those increasingly frequent bathroom trips, and you can buy some more along the way, in case you get bored. (The game contains the text from actual articles written in the 1800s, so you can educate yourself while you poop.) You might need to buy some extra paints and stock up on toilet paper instead of bullets, too.

Either way, you're gonna be taking a lot of bathroom breaks.

You Have Not Died of Dysentery (Steven Nass and Ivy Hu with Peter Henningsen)