You can buy a life-sized cardboard of The Mountain Goats' John Darnielle for $69.97

If you've ever needed a life-sized free-standing cardboard cutout of John Darnielle, award-winning novelist and lead singer of The Mountain Goats, I can point you in the right direction. Just pop on over to "Celebrity Cutouts"—you can choose the German, the North American, or the UK website, depending on your location. For a measly $69.97, a life-size Darnielle can be yours! The possibilities are endless!

"Celebrity Cutouts" describes some of the goods it sells:

Celebrity Cutouts are great for parties and events but are equally popular for use at home.
Our Mini Cutouts make unique and exciting presents for fans and are especially popular as secret Santa gifts. They are compact enough to find a happy home anywhere and look even better in a group – start your collection today! Our Cutouts are folded down for delivery but setting them up is simple and takes seconds. They can always be folded away again for storage or moving. We send our Cutouts under plain cover with no pricing information included, making them great for giving.

If you don't fancy a Darnielle, you can choose from dozens of other famous folks, including Bollywood stars, musicians, films stars, comedians, models, royals, sports stars, political figures, internet stars, and television stars. I perused the offerings and saw: Britney Spears, Celine Dion, Corey Feldman, Dave Grohl, David Bowie, DJ Khaled, Dua Lipa, Harry Stiles, Jarvis Cocker, Kate Nash, Lily Allen, Lizzo, Miley Cyrus, and Snoop Dogg, among so many others. Michael Stipe made the list, but alas, Billy Bragg did not.  

And if you don't need a full-sized cutout of your favorite star, you can also get a mini version, or a mask, or a "big head." 

Now, I just gotta figure out where I'm gonna put Flat John.