Novelty meat logs, you know, for kids

You've seen the Jolly Billy sausage, right? It's been making the rounds for years. But guess what?! There are actually other versions of these "novelty" meat logs out there! I had no clue until Titus M., a reader of my inbox zine, told me about it. He saw some in the grocery wilds while visiting Ireland and sent me a link to the Feldhues Group website. This German brand is responsible for giving meat a personality! It was hilarious to see the whole range of options they have.

Billy, the enthusiastic sausage character with his big smile, was introduced in 1986. Alongside him, there's also his bear counterpart, as well as other animal characters like a fox, a clown, a monkey, a lion, and another grinning bear. They even have a tractor, a soccer ball (dubbed the "Happy Football"), and logs for major holidays. You can also order custom ones (Jackhammer Jill, anyone?).

Ironically, I can't help but feel like something is missing from the lineup. Where's the Happy Pig? Why is there no self-referential ham log? Methinks the pig is not so happy.

Seasonal sausage for Easter, Halloween, Christmas, and Valentine's Day? They got you. Product photos: Feldhues Group
Bear eat bear action. Product photo: Sainsbury's