Mike Pence transitions from Trump's dull sidekick to Republican pariah

Mike Pence will forever be known as the spineless lackey who stood by Trump's side even as the former President incited a mob to storm the Capitol and hang him. Not much of a qualification for President, but you've got to play the cards you were dealt, especially if you bear the resemblance to and mannerisms of the Stonks guy.

According to a recent article in The Atlantic, Pence is facing a significant lack of support among Republican voters in his ambitions to become the next President of the United States. And who can blame them? Showing loyalty to a narcissistic dictator is a viable career strategy for GOP politicians. But because Pence didn't do his former boss's bidding by overturning the election results and instantly transforming the United States into an autocratic dystopia, 97% of Republicans suspect him of being a Soros-funded RINO antifa communist.

So what's next for Pence? Maybe he can try his hand at being a motivational speaker, inspiring people to always stand by their man, no matter how much that man wants him executed by insurrectionists. Or maybe he can become a professional nodder, going from one political rally to the next, solemnly bobbing his head in affirmation as various politicians spout conspiracy theories so outlandish that they would make David Icke blush.

Don't look so glum, Mr. Former Vice President. The possibilities are endless! Your future is as bright as your personality and as remarkable as your achievements.