Bad news, vegans! Plants emit an ultrasonic "scream" when cut. When stressed, they "click frantically." Business Insider, summarizing a scientific paper I haven't read, reports on the existential universality of suffering:
These noises are at about the volume of a normal human conversation, but they are so high-pitched that we cannot hear them. "Humans usually hear to 16 kilohertz. These sounds are mostly between 40 and 80 kilohertz," Lilach Hadany, senior author on the study and an evolutionary biologist and theoretician at Tel Aviv University, told Insider. It's possible that these noises can help some animals — like bats, moths, and mice — get a sense of the condition of the plant and of the plant species, said Hadany.
In the same way that the uncanny valley implies that early humans evolved a fear for things that looked human but were not, this implies that plants can also hear one another's screams.
Anyway, possible April Fools joke here, as it was published March 30 and the press release went out yesterday. Nonetheless, I'm looking forward to little gadgets warning me that the basement Pothos wants to kick my ass.