How to write a Smiths song in one minute

If you love The Smiths but can't bring yourself to listen to them anymore because of Morrissey's dismal politics, you can just write your own Smiths songs, courtesy of Desmond Doom's how-to video, entitled "How to Write a Smiths Song in One Minute," which he explains is "Made out of love for Moz and Marr's songwriting in The Smiths!"

Here are the steps, as explained by Desmond Doom:

  1. Start with a nice jangly guitar riff
  2. Add a cool bassline under it
  3. Now add drums and acoustic guitar for more jangle
  4. Pick near bridge for more jangle
  5. Use the same three notes and sing about being English and work and love (Desmond Doom provides a great example: "On England's such a charming place, I hate this job, but at least I get to see your face")
  6. Use the same three notes for the major key

He ends the video by exclaiming: "And there you have it, now go write a Smiths album!"

If you've somehow forgotten how bad Morrissey's politics are and you need a quick primer, check out this handy list compiled by Madeline Carpou at The Mary Sue, who also provides this great analysis of what went wrong with Moz: 

As fellow disappointed writer Jack Whatley said, the man's become something of a Tucker Carlson for the alternative music world. Whereas he once championed animal rights and the abolishment of capitalism, now he's got the Tory sneer down pat. And the thing is, he's got an audience for it, too—a positively modern audience of down and out young men in the UK who, like Moz, are content to blame "wokeness" for their woes . . . 

Ultimately, my summary of the Morrissey bullshit is that he's one of those guys who was revolutionary for his time, but then time moved on and he couldn't find a way to move along with it. Like many men with more privilege than they'll ever know they have, he stuck his feet in the ground and stood firm in his convictions, both for the sake of irony and for getting a rise out of people, as well as for his own insecurities about his place in the world. Does he really mean everything he's said? It doesn't matter, because he bothered to say it—deliberately and with a smirk. Plenty of people his age have said stupid or ignorant things, but they apologized when corrected, and I feel like I can give them a pass. But I don't think Morrissey feels particularly bad about any of it, especially not when he's got his gents backing him up.