Redditor seeks specific vodka to bribe his family gnome and regain WIFI access

No, the gnome is not keeping the SSID or password secret with a clever riddle.

Over on Reddit, a Slavic transplant to Edinburgh who goes by the name HomoLizard reached out to the local community with a very unique request: he needs a specific brand of vodka to satisfy his family gnome (technically a Домовой), who has followed him to Scotland and keeps messing with his wifi.

From the original post:

i'm a russian slavic pagan, and my gnome (it's actually my домовой but i call it gnome in English because it's close enough) followed me when I moved to Scotland. I didn't know he could go on planes so I didn't do a welcoming ritual, and now he's mad at me. My wifi barely works, and I really need it to get jobs. It's his doing, i'm sure of it, nothing I do to fix it works.

I called my mom to ask her what to do with this guy when he gets angry, and she said give it some vodka. Except she named a specific russian brand, and I went to every store in my area and they didn't have that brand. My mom said he only likes that specific vodka. So, now I'm kind of fucked.

What do I do? I really need the wifi to get a job.

In a separate post, he shared a photo of the specific vodka brand, пять озер.

Some Redditors have been helpful, recommending Polish importers and speakeasies in the area. Others have been less supportive:

HomoLizard has also sought help on several Pagan subreddits, but so far to no avail.

Previously:
GNOME fires back at patent troll
Nino, the Brutalist garden gnome
New South Park game comes with Underpants Gnome
Combat Gnome
A secret society is lurking in Canada, and they are stealing garden gnomes