Trumpy Trout is real and it can hurt you

Trumpy Trout is a real product. The ads run on "Newsmax." It exists at a place where the partisan payload of it hardly matters any more, a place where meaning loses all grasp on us, where latent patterns of psychic trauma reassemble themselves from the noisy wake of our rotting yet accellerating minds. And in its dead-eyed pout and robotic mouthings is a suggestion that calls for a stern warning: this is not a product of Trump Sexual Wellness LLC, is not a Fleshlight™ or other form of masturbatory aid, and that by irrumating it you agree that all disputes between you and the seller of this product must be resolved through binding arbitration rather than in a court.

Previously: Alexa-enabled Big Mouth Billy Bass. Pre-order it for $40.