Bobby Junior, renowned for his environmental "activism" that once involved sawing off whale heads and dumping bear cub carcasses in Central Park, is eagerly eyeing the role of Secretary of Chemtrail Eradication in convicted felon Donald's future administration.
Junior—or more accurately, the brain worms piloting the withered husk that bears his name—claims he learned about chemtrails from none other than Hollywood's most esteemed authority on atmospheric science: actor Woody Harrelson.
Yesterday, a stable genius on Xitter, @BGatesIsaPsycho, dropped some heavy knowledge about jet vapor trails, proclaiming:
"I call them tanker terminators—we are paid more than any other pilot."
Chemtrail Pilot Whistleblower.
I'm convinced the majority of them are remotely operated—the tech obviously exists & there's way too many.
Junior, who prides himself on following reputable sources like @BGatesIsaPsycho, swiftly responded, "We are going to stop this crime."
For those blissfully unaware, chemtrail enthusiasts believe that the white trails left by jet engines are not merely water vapor but a sinister cocktail of chemicals being deliberately sprayed on the populace to pacify them, chemically castrate them, or dull their senses to the atrocities committed by the lizard overlords who secretly run the world.
As reported by the Huffington Post, Kennedy has long flirted with chemtrail conspiracy theories. In February 2023, he even hosted Dane Wigington, a veteran chemtrail theorist, on his podcast.
"Woody Harrelson was at my house about ten years ago," Kennedy recounted to Wigington. "He said, 'Come outside with me.' We watched these planes lay down a grid of contrails, and then it turned into clouds. Just like that, a beautiful day gone. I used to think it was ridiculous, but now I know better."
And with that, Junior is ready to lead the charge against the chemtrail menace, armed with the irrefutable evidence of a cloudy day and the wisdom of America's most beloved stoner.
