It's been a while since I've written for Boing Boing, so I wanted to celebrate my return with the resumption of a time-honored tradition: kicking gaming megacorp Ubisoft while they're down. Over the past few months, the developer has met with quite a few missteps, perhaps most notable being the underwhelming reception to Star Wars: Outlaws. The game underperformed enough to trigger an internal investigation into exactly why (we're all trying to find the guy who did this!), making Ubisoft's next move absolutely crucial. With audiences and critics alike losing faith, a stock price in freefall, round after round of layoffs, and the impending release of the next Assassin's Creed on the horizon – although, come on, there's always an Assassin's Creed on the horizon – Ubisoft needed an out. They needed the nuclear option. They needed something so fresh that no one could ever doubt them again.
Champions Tactics: Grimoria Chronicles is not that.
This is the latest triple-A Ubisoft game, although you'd never know it from the absolute lack of fanfare leading up to its release. To say it was dumped onto the market wouldn't be an exaggeration. At a glance, it seems unoriginal, but not egregious: players engage in turn-based "tactical battles" using a selection of DnD-esque miniatures that look like they just came out of Hero Forge, each with their own stats and abilities. The twist? Every miniature is an NFT, with some fetching prices in the tens of thousands of dollars on the game's blockchain market.
Like many other challengers to the title of "first good NFT game," Champions makes your first hit free. You're given some starter figures, but these have a time limit attached to them. Sooner or later, you're going to have to either turn to the blockchain, where you can buy NFTs using crypto or in-game currency, or the "Forge," where you can craft NFTs using crypto or in-game currency. It's a no-win situation that would make the Kobayashi Maru blush. The triple-A gaming space is no stranger to credit-card swiping simulators with the barest coat of paint applied, but everything that's come out of Web 3 has failed to make a case for its own existence even on top of that.
I thought we were over this, guys. I thought AI was the next insufferable tech-bro talking point and that everyone who'd purchased a Bored Ape had been left holding the bag. Even Ubisoft seemed to learn their lesson after their first foray into NFT content met with unmitigated disaster, but evidently trend-chasing trumps little things like "adjusting behavior" or "player experience". There'll be no investigation needed to determine why this game failed – just a good, long look in the mirror.
