The 1904 Olympics Marathon is probably the most spectacular failure in sporting history that didn't involve the 1919 Black Sox or the XFL.
Picture this: It's hot as Satan's armpit in St. Louis (90°F), and some galaxy-brain organizer named James Edward Sullivan* decides, "You know what would be fun? Let's make runners do 24+ miles without almost no water because SCIENCE." Yes, this Olympics official wanted to study "purposeful dehydration" like some kind of Victorian torture enthusiast.
The "winner" turned out to be Frederick Lorz, who took a car for 11 miles of the race. When caught, he said, "LOL JK it was just a prank bro!" The actual winner, Thomas Hicks, only managed to finish because his support team kept feeding him a combo of raw eggs, brandy, and strychnine (a popular rat poison at the time) to keep him frisky. He had to be carried across the finish line while moving his feet in a sad approximation of running, lost eight pounds, and nearly died.
Cuban postman Andarín Carvajal, who showed up broke after losing all his money gambling in New Orleans, didn't receive strychnine, but he stole peaches from spectators, took a mid-race nap after eating rotten apples, and still came in fourth, while running in cur-off street clothes.
Of the 32 athletes who started this death march, only 14 finished. One guy, William Garcia, was found unconscious on the road with internal injuries from inhaling all the dust kicked up by the officials' cars. Even the dogs got in on the action — South African runner Len Taunyane got chased a mile off course by a pack of wild puppers.
* Fun fact about Sullivan: because being a sadistic prick wasn't enough, Sullivan would go on to bar American women from competing in the 1912 Olympics swimming and diving events, and stripped Native American legend Jim Thorpe of his gold medals on some bullshit about semi-pro baseball (medals that weren't restored until 1983, after Thorpe had died).
Previously:
• Marathon runner disqualified for chain-smoking during race
• Good to the Last Drop Dead: Caffeine and Marathons
• The Clash's Joe Strummer drank 10 pints of beer and ran the Paris Marathon
• Watch runners cheat in big Shenzhen half marathon
• New documentary explores the bizarre cover-up around the Boston Marathon Bombing
