Hidden fees crackdown leaves billionaires devastated as FTC demands price transparency

In a devastating blow to sociopathic billionaires, the Federal Trade Commission has cruelly demanded that hotels and ticket sellers reveal their actual prices upfront — a move that threatens to end the beloved American tradition of hidden charges at checkout.

The heartbreaking new rule means businesses can no longer delight customers with surprise "resort fees," "convenience charges," and "because-we-can surcharges" that magically appear in the final payment screen or checkout counter. As reported by CNBC, the FTC estimates this will rob companies of 53 million hours worth of consumer confusion annually—hours that could have been spent trying to decipher why a $200 hotel room somehow costs $350.

"These junk fees sneak onto your bill and companies end up making you pay more because they can," said President Biden, clearly unsympathetic to the fee-crafting industry. It seems the administration has no appreciation for the creative genius required to transform a $50 concert ticket into a $95 transaction through the careful application of "processing fees" and "facility charges."

FTC Chair Lina Khan, showing zero regard for the complex fee ecosystem, is even encouraging "state and federal policymakers to build on this success with legislation that bans unfair and deceptive junk fees across the economy."

What's next—requiring car dealerships to post actual prices instead of "dealer markup adjustments?" Making cable companies Forcing gyms to advertise their actual annual costs instead of their "initiation fee plus equipment maintenance surcharge plus annual wellness enhancement fee" artwork? Perhaps they'll even go after phone companies' "regulatory cost recovery charges" or airlines' "seat selection optimization fees." Are we living in America or a Communist Nordic hellhole?

The hospitality industry now faces the horrifying prospect of having to compete on actual prices rather than their ability to camouflage charges. Meanwhile, millions of Americans will be robbed of the exhilarating rush that comes from discovering their "great deal" was actually 40% more expensive than advertised. Truly, this is a dark day for moguls like Omni Hotels' Robert Rowling, who have a solid track record of generously deceiving customers with hidden resort fees and drip pricing.

Previously:
FCC votes to ban termination fees for quitting cable and satellite services
Downtown L.A. restaurant sneaks absurd 4.5% 'Security Charge' on bills
Lawsuits loom for DoorDash