While anti-abortion zealots' beloved Bible demands death for unauthorized seed spillage, two Ohio Democrats are going soft with mere fines for non-procreative emissions.
While God straight-up killed Onan for spilling his seed (literal death by divine smiting), these bleeding-heart libs think a measly $1,000 fine is sufficient punishment. No wonder our country is going limp.
According to Newsweek, the spunkily named "Conception Begins at Erection" bill from Democratic State Reps Anita Somani and Tristan Rader would spank wanton seed-spillers with a $1,000 fine for their first offense, shooting up to $10,000 for subsequent squirts.
Republican lawmakers (in a sticky situation of their own making) are clutching their pearl necklaces about this "beyond ridiculous" proposal, apparently forgetting their own preferred biblical source material makes these proposed penalties look like a spa day facial treatment for sinners.
Please, conservatives, tell us more about how this bill is too hard to swallow.
Previously:
• 60 containers of bull semen stolen
• William Shatner wins a huge load of horse semen in his divorce settlement
• Garfield comic creator clears up 34-year-old dog semen confusion
