Intent on ruining America as thoroughly as he wrecked Twitter, Musk's Department of Government "Efficiency" (DOGE) just limited federal credit cards to one dollar.
According to Wired's report, the restrictions hit the General Services Administration along with three other agencies unlucky enough to catch DOGE's attention. Want to book government travel? Hope you can find a cardboard box for a dollar! Need office supplies? Maybe try a garage sale in 1952!
A whopping 0.1% of employees can grovel for permission to spend more than a buck if they're willing to grovel with a detailed explanation of why they need such luxuries as, you know, doing their jobs. Just fill out some forms, give a hearty Roman salute, and maybe, just maybe, Big Balls will let you buy a paperclip.
Current federal employees told Wired the existing system had adequate safeguards. "To commit fraud, you'd have to have the employee, supervisor, and likely someone in finance in on it," explained one soon-to-be-former fed who's probably day-drinking right now.
From Wired's report, the old system was already a bureaucratic obstacle course: "Expenses are scrupulously tracked—employees are told to minimize ATM withdrawals to avoid unnecessary fees… misusing a card is already grounds for disciplinary action, including termination."
Stay tuned for next week when DOGE announces federal employees must sell plasma to fund their departments!
Previously:
• Musk takes break from ruining America to mock blind person
• Elon's tell: Musk admits failure by resorting to offensive slurs
