Meet Elliott Management, the hedge fund vultures who never met a beloved company they couldn't make worse. These are the same folks who bought and gutted Cabela's, destroying the small town of Sidney, Nebraska in the process, because being profitable isn't profitable enough for finance bros.
Led by billionaire Paul Singer (the MAGA megadonor who treated Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito to a luxury fishing vacation and later had cases before the Court in which Alito ruled in his favor), Elliott took a $1.9 billion stake in Southwest last June and immediately started demanding the airline "evolve" — which is rich-person speak for "squeeze more money out of regular people." The first order of business: ditching the "bags fly free" policy — literally the only thing that made up for being crammed into a seat with no TV while clutching a microscopic bag of peanuts.
Through their delightfully named website StrongerSouthwest.com (because nothing says "strength" like charging people to check a bag), Elliott argued that Southwest's quaint notions of customer service were just too darn customer-friendly.
By September, Southwest's leadership folded faster than a travel umbrella in a hurricane. The airline that built its entire brand on being the un-airline — no bag fees, no change fees, no assigned seating — is now just another soulless sky bus trying to nickel-and-dime passengers into oblivion.
Elliott Management, which manages over $70 billion in assets because apparently that's not enough money, has a storied history of buying stakes in companies and forcing them to become worse versions of themselves. They've worked their special brand of magic on everyone from Twitter to Barnes & Noble, always in the name of "unlocking shareholder value" — which is what hedge funds call it when they make things terrible for regular people.
So next time you're forking over $35 to check your suitcase on Southwest, remember to thank Paul Singer and his merry band of corporate raiders. They've successfully managed to make flying even more miserable, which honestly seemed impossible. At least we still have those microscopic bags of peanuts. For now.
Previously:
• Billionaire GOP superdonors aren't getting what they paid for
