The wellness industrial complex has discovered yet another revolutionary health intervention: Touching your face gently while charging obscene amounts of money for it.
As reported in Yahoo, celebrities like Kim Kardashian and Dua Lipa are flocking to "lymphatic drainage specialists" before big events, paying premium prices to have someone push their face fluids around.
Let's break down the actual science: Your lymphatic system moves waste fluid through your body. You know what else moves fluid through your body? Basic human activities like walking, breathing, and existing in Earth's gravitational field. But that's not glamorous enough for the Met Gala crowd.
The research on lymphatic drainage is about as solid as a juice cleanse diet. While there's some evidence it helps with actual medical conditions like post-surgery swelling, the celebrity-endorsed claims about "toxins" and "inflammation" have all the scientific rigor of a healing crystal workshop.
Your body has been handling its own waste removal since you developed kidneys in the womb. But try telling that to TikTok influencers who think manually squishing their face meat is revolutionary healthcare.
To be fair, the treatment does have one proven benefit: It temporarily reduces puffiness. Of course, so does sleeping with your head elevated, but you can't charge $500 for a stack of pillows.
This "breakthrough" wellness trend perfectly captures our era: Take a basic biological function, wrap it in pseudo-medical language, and charge a fortune to fix a "problem" that only rich people seem to have.
Previously:
• Article about celebrity statues with poor resemblances
