The dying may be the worst people to tell you how to live.
On his blog, Rikard Hjort writes about what he calls the "Deathbed Fallacy" — our misguided tendency to treat end-of-life regrets as universal life guidance. While palliative nurse Bronnie Ware's famous list of dying patients' regrets (including "I wish I hadn't worked so hard" and "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself") has become self-help gospel, Hjort argues we should be skeptical of such wisdom.
"The deathbed is not a representative state of life," Hjort writes, noting that someone facing death has "no future at all" and views life through an entirely different lens than someone in their prime. He also challenges assumptions about our past choices: "I think I've been consistent. And when I made the 'wrong' choices, it's either because I was stupid, or because I didn't have the right information." But old journals and memories often reveal that past decisions were actually well-reasoned for their time.
"I am now highly career focused… Deathbed-me would probably scowl and think I've gotten my priorities all twisted up. But I am doing this for us," Hjort says, arguing that hard work and ambition now may enable greater happiness later. Rather than following deathbed advice, he suggests consulting happiness research about concrete factors like "stable income, focus on relationships and experiences rather than stuff, practicing acceptance, and small things like short commute times."
Previously:
• Charles Manson 'on deathbed'
• Man's deathbed confession about his dad burying Jimmy Hoffa has led FBI to a former Jersey City dump
• Policeman's deathbed confession: the NYPD and the FBI killed Malcolm X
