R&B singer and professional violent offender Chris Brown just proved that assault charges are merely a speed bump when you're rich, dropping £5 million to stay out of a British jail cell – and he didn't even have to show up to his own hearing to make it happen.
The incident, as reported by ABC News, involved Brown allegedly using a tequila bottle as an impromptu weapon against music producer Abraham Diaw in 2023. Prosecutors called it an "unprovoked attack," which tracks perfectly with Brown's established artistic style of spontaneous violence. Surveillance cameras caught the whole show, featuring Brown's greatest hits: bottle strikes, punches, and kicks. His friend "Hoody Baby" joined the ensemble performance, proving some backing vocals really should stay silent.
A starstruck UK judge granted the 36-year-old singer bail and permission to continue his world tour. Apparently, selling out arenas is more important than protecting the public from a man who has been charged with violent assault multiple times.
The music industry's favorite recidivist can now dance across Europe starting June 8th, because ticket sales trump human decency every time. Remember kids: if you make enough people enough money, you don't even need to attend your own assault hearings — lawyers will magically appear and make all your problems go bye-bye.
Brown's next court appearance is scheduled for June 20th, sandwiched conveniently between tour dates.
Previously:
• Video: Chris Brown+Rihanna's 'Birthday Cake' remixed with lyrics from police report for 2009 beating
