At some point in human history, someone was sitting in a boat across from their pal Athelstan, fishing pole in hand when they say "Athelstan, I've been struck by it, fella. We've been gripping them fish all wrong."
Athelstan raised his eyebrow and jiggered with his reel, silent and waiting for his friend to continue.
"No now, hear me out. Them fish, they're covered in their slime an' some of them got those spines and maybe they gonna bite yeh bringing them into the boat. Yer after wanting to catch them. Yer after wanting to eat them, but there's non that wants to touch them. So what've yeh were to grab them by the lips?"
"The lips?"
"The lips, 'Stan," says the friend of Athelstan. "Yeh grabs them by the lips with an implement, like. Then yeh won't be getting the slime on yeh and yeh won't have to worry about them spines and there'll be no getting bit at, 'cause you've got them by the lips. Magic."
Athelstan shifted his ass on the life jacket he was seated on and asked what sort of implement his friend had in mind.
"Well Jesus, man. I thought of the idea but it ends with the thinking. I'd have to think of the implement as well and I'm no tinkerer. But I'm saying to yeh, someone aught to think of a way to grab a fish by the lips."
I'm pretty certain that this was how it went down.
Earlier today, while looking for God-knows-what on Amazon, the site decided that I'd love to know about the existence of fish lip grabbers. As I'm not an avid angler, it was news to me. There's tons of variants of the things out there. A lot of companies make them. Some grab lips. Others purportedly go after the jaw. Who knew? They're designed to help a fish enthusiast get an unenthusiastic fish into a boat, less injured, so they can be beaten over the head with a fish bat while they're in peak condition (or appreciated before being thrown back in the water. I'm not here to judge.) It's a bizarre tool and a brilliant one. A thing that no one needs, but so many, now that it exists, want and rely upon.
Friendos, no matter what wonders you have in you; the ideas that you've kept secret to your heart of hearts, let them out. If the fish lip grabber can make it, there's nothing you can't do.
