Sepp Blatter, disgraced former FIFA president, to serve on panel about fixing FIFA

As Swiss police once again raid the comically-corrupt international Soccer organiation FIFA, its disgraced and banned former president, Sepp Blatter, is to join a panel to discuss how it could be reformed.

Blatter will appear with former Chief Prosecutor of the International Criminal Court Luis Moreno Ocampo at the University of Basel on April 15th for a discussion on how FIFA can transition through its current crisis.

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FIFA: Sepp Blatter promises to fix the corrupt organization he's been in charge of for 17 years

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There's something wonderful in the sententious pomp of soccer ruling body FIFA's elections, contrasted against a reputation for corruption brought to new grossness by this week's indictment of officials by the U.S. Justice Department and Swiss cops.

The latest: elections will go to an exciting second round after a challenger, Prince Ali Bin al-Hussein, managed to gain enough votes to prevent Blatter getting two-thirds of the total, the necessary threshold for a quick win. — Read the rest

Spanish soccer league breaks Internet to stop people from watching their precious futbol matches for free

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Spanish soccer league LaLiga broke a large portion of the Spanish internet because some naughty websites were letting 400,000 monthly viewers watch men chase balls around without paying the proper viewing tax to their corporate overlords.

LaLiga's Chief Internet Breaking Officer sprang into action and convinced Spanish ISPs to block these sites' IP addresses, conveniently forgetting to mention these addresses were shared by approximately eleventy billion other legitimate websites. — Read the rest

How to talk to your child about Elon Musk

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Brian Sacks: "Tell your child that before he/she was born you too had a groundbreaking idea for a rainbow-powered washing machine. Let them know you were on the verge of getting a patent and becoming fabulously wealthy but then they happened."