Welcome to this year's Gift Guide: dozens of great ideas for stocking stuffers, brain-hammers, mind-expanders, terrible toys, badass books and more. Amazon Affiliate codes are used where possible to help us make ends meet at the world's greatest neurozine

Pommery Meaux Mustard in a big stone jar

Got a mustard lover on your list? This classic Pommery grain mustard in a stone jar is gorgeous, not available in most U.S. grocery stores, and delicious on any sandwich. — Xeni

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Pee Chee Folders

One thing Gen-Xers know how to do is deface a Pee Chee folder! Relive your youth by imagining some interesting dialog for those runners! — Jason

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LIHIT LAB Pen Case

To store my pencils, charcoals, lead holder, erasers, snap-blade knife, and reading glasses I bought a Lihit Lab Teffa "book style" pencil case. It's not large, but it's designed with "pages" to hold your stuff efficiently. Pens and pencils fit behind straps, and smaller stuff can be stashed in the mesh pouches. — Mark

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Glass Pyramid

Made of "optically clear crystal" and three inches tall, Amlong's Crystal Pyramid is the best Crystal Pyramid. My bacon is fresh, my airspace dangerous, and my undertakings favored. — Rob

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Crumpled Tumbler, 8oz

For only $41.57, you too can be the proud owner of a crumpled 8-ounce tumbler. The catch is that it's immortal: cast from smooth enamel that's microwave, dishwasher, freezer and oven-safe. There are cheaper implementations of the same idea, but this is the most convincing. — Rob

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Partanna Extra Virgin Olive Oil, 101-Ounce Tin

This is an excellent daily-use olive oil, with traceable sourcing. I love the pretty label, and love gifting it to friends. — Xeni

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20 Grams of melt-in-your hand gallium

Gallium is a metal that melts at 86 degrees F. It's more fun than playing with mercury, and probably safer, too (it *will* temporarily stain your skin gray though, because it's "wet" when liquid and will adhere to the crevices of your skin). My daughter's friend brought some over a couple of weeks ago, and it was such a hit at our house that we had to get some of our own. — Mark

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Elvis Ornament for your festive holiday tree

He was the king. He will dangle, in all his glory, under your tree in his signature eagle cape and cowl-laden, rhinestone bedazzled jumpsuit. The king, baby! The king. — Jason

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Shawl collar cardigan

The shawl collar cardigan is my favorite sweater. Causal but always classy, this blue sweater reminds me of one famously worn by Steve McQueen. — Jason

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Tea Samplers from Tea Forté

Tea Forté makes gorgeous tea sampler boxes with pyramidal woven tea bags. I enjoy giving them to friends, and keeping a few to surprise myself with. The tea is good quality. — Xeni

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Palomino Blackwing 602 Pencils

This is a faithful reproduction of the Eberhard Faber original, which is no longer being made. Blackwing 602 have dark, soft lead (the motto printed on the pencil reads"Half the pressure, twice the speed") and features a unique eraser holder. I've been using them for years. — Mark

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Voyager Golden Record

In 1977, NASA launched two spacecraft, Voyager 1 and 2, on a grand tour of the solar system and into the mysteries of interstellar space. Attached to each ofthese probes is a beautiful golden phonograph record containing the story of our planet expressed in music, sounds, images, and science. It’s a message for any extraterrestrial intelligence that might encounter it. And now you can experience on Earth as a lavish 3xLP Box Set or 2xCD-Book edition. — David

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Wild Eleki Deluxe, by The Royal Fingers

I have had this CD since 2002. It’s my favorite surf album of all time and is by a Japanese band called The Royal Fingers. I don’t think they ever made another album and I can’t find anything about them online. I *think* they were active in the 1960s, but they might just be an awesome 2000s group that disappeared. — Mark

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Their Satanic Majesties Request, by The Rolling Stones

This psychedelic album came out shortly after Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1967), and was panned by critics at the time. But it is one of their best albums — Mark

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MREs (Meals Ready-to-Eat) Box B, Genuine U.S. Military Surplus

Everything is going to shit. What are you doing giving kids Tickle Me Elmo dolls or pondering fancy kitchen gadgets that require a working source of electricity? Delicious enough for US troops from whenever this was left over, and now made available to you as surplus, MREs give the gift of fighting energy when society collapses. That, my friend, tastes like love. — Jason

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Sleestak bobblehead

The last thing one would expect, after the-greatest-earthquake-ever-known screws up the family camping trip, is to run into a devolved race of formerly brilliant lizard men, now reduced to barely ambulatory hissing klutzes. — Jason

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Rubber band ball

Next time you see Cory, ask him to show you one of his rubber band magic tricks. — Mark

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Tamagotchi

This is "a gift" for every kid who loves retro gaming and arcades. They can feed the little monster! Watch as it poops all over the place! Quick! Quick! Clean the digital feces before your monster dies! — Jason

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Wolf Crotch Underwear

With a "convex design, large space and breathable," the 3D Wolf Head Crotch Underwear "make man looks sexy and wild" and can be yours for as little as five American dollars. — Rob

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55 gallon barrel of lube

Pump included. Allegedly. — Boing Boing

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