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Rob Ford's cunnilingus quip: Taiwanese news animation edition

News of Toronto Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford's official cunnilingus policy has reached the Taiwanese news video animation people, and they've risen to the occasion with predictable insanity. The mayor-on-beaver moments are really the best here, I think. Read the rest

Rob Ford gives staff $5,000 taxpayer dollars each to stay on

As the career of Toronto Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford continues to circle the drain, he's circling the wagons. He's offered all of his staffers $5,000 taxpayer-funded raises to stay on. For a guy who got into office claiming he'd "end the gravy train," the guy sure is a one-man gravy train -- he's also promised to use taxpayer dollars to fight the motions in council that stripped him of his powers. Read the rest

Rob Ford stripped of powers

Toronto City Council has voted to strip Mayor Rob Ford of his powers, many of which were only recently delegated to the mayor's office. Hizzoner Laughable Bumblefuck has vowed to use tax-dollars to sue council over this move, because that is how he rolls. Read the rest

Rob Ford articulates official mayoral cunnilingus policy

Here's Toronto Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford responding to yesterday's release of the partially redacted police file. After stating his intent to take legal action against a host of current and former staffers, wait staff at a restaurant, and many others, he addresses the allegation that he "wanted to eat [Olivia Gondek's] pussy."

The mayor stated, for the record: "I would never do that. I'm happily married. I've got more than enough to eat at home."

Rob Ford will (ahem) go down in history with this quote Read the rest

Toronto council turns their back to Rob Ford every time he speaks

Toronto Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford has refused to resign or even take a leave of absence, despite having admitted to smoking crack, despite a police report that has him driving drunk, snorting coke with a prostitute in a restaurant, abusing his staff, and using City letterhead to write a reference letter pleading for clemency in the sentencing of a man charged with uttering death threats, selling drugs, and extortion.

Council lacks the power to remove Ford, and until he is charged with a crime, he can remain in office. Now, according to Robin Doolittle from the Toronto Star, the Toronto City Council is now turning their backs every time he stands to speak.

(via Accordion Guy) Read the rest

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's less-censored police file: criminality, abuse, and intoxication

Toronto police have released a "less censored" version of their report on Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford, and Toronto Star reporter (@jpags) has been tweeting the highlights of the (unproven) police allegations as she goes. I've embedded some of the most significant ones below. A lot of material deals with the mayor's public intoxication and his appearances at work-related events (and at City Hall) where he was too intoxicated to function. On one occasion, he is accused of bringing two prostitutes to city hall. He is said to have been high on oxycontin on another occasion.

Another major theme is the mayor's abuse of his employees: getting them to buy booze for him, driving them at high speeds while intoxicated (one staffer saw him drink an entire pint of vodka before getting behind the wheel), verbally abusing them, getting them to run personal errands for him, calling them in tears, drunk and distraught. He made one staffer write a letter of support for bagman Andrew Lisi, charged with uttering death threats, which the mayor submitted.

Then there's the shadowy, underworldy-type things. His bagman, Sandro Lisi (charged with uttering death threats, selling drugs, and extortion) is said to have offered drugs to unknown persons for the return of the mayor's stolen phone. And when the mayor allegedly snorted cocaine with an unknown woman at the Biermarkt restaurant, a staffer demanded that the waitress give her name and told her "Don't tell anyone about what you saw here tonight." Read the rest

Rob Ford: master of the comedic pause

Toronto mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford is back in council for the first time he admitted that he smoked crack (though he insists he's not a "crack smoker"). He's refused to step aside and repudiated his lawyer's suggestion that he was going into rehab. Meanwhile, the trial of Sandro Lisi proceeds apace -- the mayor's friend/fixer/driver/muscle, up on drug dealing and extortion charges -- and the video evidence that the mayor arranged wordless package handovers with Lisi in parking lots and parks and public toilets is on everyone's mind. Rob Ford has always made a big deal about saving the taxpayer money by refusing a driver (it was his excuse when he was caught reading while driving on the highway), but he clearly also didn't have a driver because it would have interfered with crack smoking, drunken stupors, and covert meetings with drug dealers.

But say what you will about the mayor -- and there's a lot to say, for example, his claims of saving money are BS -- he certainly has comedic timing. Check out the pregnant pause in council after he's asked whether he's bought illegal drugs. Comedy genius!

Rob Ford admits to City Council that he purchased drugs Read the rest

All-purpose apology for corrupt, inept, thieving, substance-abusing Canadian politicians

It's not just Toronto mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford: Canada's politicians at all levels are in trouble, though senators, mayors and the Prime Minister and his cronies are leading the pack for corruption, scandal, thieving, criminality, and prevarication. And none of them, not one, knows how to say sorry. Noting this, Andrew Coyne has penned an all-purpose apology for Canadian pols to use as a template when the inevitable comeuppance arrives: Read the rest

Rob Ford's exaggerated and imaginary savings to the taxpayers of Toronto

Rob Ford claims that he should be excused for his crack-fuelled, drunken rages while serving as mayor of Toronto, because of the billion dollars he's saved the city. But as a line-by-line analysis of Laughable Bumblefuck's fiscal claims demonstrates, he's just another politician, cooking the books. Read the rest

Rob Ford's crack dance

DJ Steve Porter's "Rob Crack Remix" gives us some rare, autotuned insight into old Laughable Bumblefuck's state of mind and the philosophy that has dictated his mayoral term in Toronto.

DJ Steve Porter - Rob Ford Crack Remix

(Thanks, Jonny!) Read the rest

Toronto's crack-smoking mayor, covered in the style of foreign affairs

WashPo's Max Fisher reports on Toronto's crack-smoking Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford, using the conventions of the western press when it reports on poor countries. Here's part of the lede: "In a country where dissent is limited by traditional mores, the transgression has sparked rare public outrage and raised concerns about the stability of the Canadian regime." Read the rest

New Rob Ford video: Laughable Fumblebuck drops a gigaton of F-bombs

A new video of Toronto Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford has surfaced. For a change, the mayor is not smoking crack in this video. Instead, he's incredibly drunk, and vowing to graphically murder his critics, while swearing in a way that is surprising for its creativity and imaginativeness, if not its sobriety. Read the rest

Taiwanese crazy-news animation on Rob Ford's post-crack poll-bounce

Next Media Animation -- the crazy Taiwanese news video people -- have revisited the Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford crack-smoking scandal (here's the previous one). This time, it's the news that Ford's polls are up on his admission that he smoked crack.

Rob Ford crack admission raises popularity! Toronto is crazy Read the rest

Rob Ford apparently hired a hacker to nuke the crack-smoking video

As the story of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford continues to unravel, everyone's pulling out their dirt on old Mayor Laughable Bumblefuck. Vice has a detailed email chain between Ford's communications director and a hacker for hire who was allegedly hired to delete the video of Hizzoner smoking crack and making racist and homophobic remarks from a cloud storage provider that may have belonged to a local gang, who were allegedly blackmailing him. Read the rest

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's polls go up after he's caught lying about crack-smoking video

Back in August, Toronto Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford was caught smoking crack. Now he's been caught lying about smoking crack -- and smearing his critics with still more lies, and his fixer/drug dealer has been charged with extortion in the attempt to suppress the evidence.

So, naturally, his approval rating is up.

The old city of Toronto -- a political boundary that was abolished by Conservative premier Mike Harris in 1998 -- still hates Ford; he barely registers there. But the city's surrounding suburban sprawl is has a large cohort of foolish people who are only too delighted to cram their lying, drunken, stoned, incompetent top choice down the city's throat.

Toronto doesn't have the government it deserves: it has the government its worst neighbours deserve. Read the rest

Rob Ford-o-Lantern

Toronto's fun-lovin', crack-smoking Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford is having an exciting Hallowe'en, which Robbo Mills's wife has commemorated with a very special Jack-O-Lantern.

Teh Missus made a pumpkin to celebrate! Read the rest

Toronto cops confirm video of Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack and making racist and homophobic remarks

The arrest of Sandro Lisi, Toronto Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford's driver/fixer/muscle, has led to Toronto police uncovering a copy of the notorious crack-smoking video reported on by the Toronto Star and Gawker. Lisi has been charged with extortion, though it's not clear whether he was extorting the mayor (because Lisi had a copy and threatened to release it) or extorting someone else (who had a copy, but wouldn't release it as a condition of the blackmail). The whole thing is tied up a wider investigation into local gang violence.

When asked to comment on the upcoming police announcement, Mayor Laughable Bumblefuck literally screamed at reporters to get off his lawn (well, technically his driveway). Literally. Read the rest

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