Staying "Fit for the Apocalypse" with punk icon Alice Bag

Richard Simmons gave his heart to the world. It was no small feat to be an energetic & effeminate fitness celebrity in the homophobic ‘80s, and yet he still rose to prominence and encouraged self respect at every size many years before it was cool. Richard’s videos didn’t just have us grapevining for our lives, he encouraged us to get there by loving ourselves.

But now that Richard has retired from the limelight to live a well-earned private life and we’ve long since worn out our VHS copies of Sweatin’ To The Oldies, where to turn for that special brand of campy lo-fi cardio? What if you’re not a hardcore exercise fiend trying to get into a titty flex contest with Terry Crews and are instead just looking for a fun way to keep that ass in motion while sheltering in place?

Legendary punk singer and Violence Girl author Alice Bag’s “Fit for the Apocalypse” workout videos on YouTube are a good place to start. Each episode is the length of a punk song, which isn’t always enough time for a proper workout but, you know, just stream them all consecutively and jog in place while you scrub through to the action. After years of being punished by crappy club music in every spin class ever, this is the exercise soundtrack you’ve been yearning for. Squat and punch along to cool new punk bands like the Linda Lindas and Amyl & the Sniffers or lunge to classics like The Tissues. Along with standard aerobics moves like the grapevine, get ready for new Alice Bag signature classics like "The Hallelejuah" and the “Tit-sa.” Read the rest

Michelin-starred inn uses mannequins to make things less weird

History tells us that nothing has ever been made less creepy by introducing dolls into the mix, but that’s not stopping The Inn at Little Washington, D.C.’s only 3-Star Michelin restaurant. In an attempt to comfort shell shocked diners returning to their half-capacity restaurant after shelter-in-place is lifted, they’ve decided to fill the void with mannequins. You know, to make it less weird. They’re partnering with a local theater company to build the sets and servers are being instructed to pour wine for the mannequins and ask them how their night is going. Chances of animatronics appear low, but all the same, I salute this melding of a fine dining experience coupled with tourist attraction flourish. Read the rest

The new Barbie Polaroid camera actually sounds pretty wonderful

Over at Wired, Medea Giordano has brought her insightful eye as a photographer and a writer to the new Polaroid 600 Barbie Throwback camera, a retro take on the classic camera with all the Barbie flourishes you'd expect. But according to Giordano, the seemingly-novelty nature of the camera is tertiary to the fact that … it actually might be the best Polaroid alternative available right now, or at least, the least shitty thing that still connects most closely with our nostalgic memories of what a true Polaroid camera should be.

The new Polaroid 600 Barbie Throwback camera ($149) doesn't just look like an old Polaroid. It kinda is one. The camera's internals are made from original Polaroid electronics that have been refurbished and tested by Retrospekt, a vintage-product restoration company, housed in a new plastic exterior that is just slightly updated from the ‘99 version. No batteries are needed, as they’re built into each film pack. (It takes an eight-pack of 600 film in color or black and white.) Unlike some of the other instant cameras released today, it produces the full-size photos you’ll remember from yesteryear.

[…]

The new Polaroid—formerly known as Polaroid Originals and the Impossible Project—has had trouble with its film quality since it first released its instant film in 2010. We noted the improvements in film quality back in 2017, but as Gear writer Scott Gilbertson wrote in March, newer Polaroid film is still sometimes plagued by grainy areas or spots that don't look fully developed.

Read the rest

Canadian firefighters offering drive-by birthday greetings

The world is full of sad, maddening horseshit, right now. So, it's important that we latch on to any rays of light that can be found.

In Calgary, Canada, firefighters are doing what they can to ensure that kids and elderly folks who are forced to celebrate their birthdays in a time of turmoil, have something to brighten what would otherwise be a shelter at home, friends-at-a-distance affair.

From The CBC:

Fire Chief Steve Dongworth says firefighters have already been delivering some birthday greetings outside homes with sirens and lights blaring.

But he says the fire department has now formalized the practice through a new program called Drive-By Birthdays.

The program is open to children between the ages of four and 12 or anyone 75 and older who has a birthday... Drive-By Birthdays can be booked online until the end of May.

Of course, if an emergency call is received while the firefighters are serenading you outside of your home, you shouldn't be surprised to see them take off faster than shit through a goose. Officials speaking on behalf of the Calgary Fire Department mentioned that if social distancing measures were still in effect beyond the end of May, they'd be cool with extending the program.

It's a small gesture, but times being what they are, small gestures are really all that most of us have to offer.

Image via Wikipedia Read the rest

"Hello (from the Inside)," a funny Adele parody about the struggles of being socially isolated

My pal Tracy shared this Adele parody song by YouTuber Chris Mann on Tuesday, with the following setup:

IT. DOES. NOT. GET. BETTER. THAN. THIS.

I’ve been seeing a lot of great things via the internet, but I thought this one was particularly well done, and funny.

Seriously. Just put down whatever you are doing. Or not doing. Sit back. Watch the whole thing.

You’re welcome.

How's that for a recommendation?

(RED)

screengrab via Chris Mann/YouTube Read the rest

Quarantine humor: 'I fooled my co-workers into thinking I live in a luxury apartment'

“I was inspired by the phone booth on Pee-wee's Playhouse.”