Tactical paint cans

To make it less conspicious as society descends into chaos, I decided to paint my entire house matte black, including the roof, windows and nearby foliage. The job completed, I was left with the old dilemma of how to store the leftover paint. Thankfully, these tactical paint cans [Amazon] are inexpensive, stealthy and perfect for the job.

100% recyclable and tolerant of up to 165°, they're ready for everday-carrying multiple gallons of latex, alkyd or solvent-based paint and primer. Best of all, they're cast from food-grade polypropylene, ensuring that my paint is safe to drink at all times. Read the rest

Tactical paper

Astrobrights sells 89gm tactical paper by the ream [Amazon] for those of us with a pressing need for large amounts of stealthy milspec cellulose-lignin sheeting in standard workplace dimensions.

P.S. The Uniball Signo Broad is the best white pen. MORE: Actually tactical paper. Read the rest

Tactical toilet paper

Wipe away the coronapocalypse in stealthy style with Renova black toilet paper [Amazon], your everyday carry for the virus crisis. With 140 "very soft and absorbent" 3-ply sheets per 100% virgin pulp roll, you'll make short work of shite for the next few weeks — all without having to fight the army of doomshoppers raiding the tissue aisles daily at Target and Costco. Read the rest

Tactical cutlery

The Buck 941 Travelmate Kit Chocolate Paperstone Knife is a tactical spreading knife with a clip-on multispork. Read the rest