Unsure if you want to plunk down your hard-earned cash to see Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again? Let the Onion's Head Film Critic Peter K. Rosenthal (comedian Ron E. Rains) persuade you, you "miserable killjoy who slogs through life recoiling at anything remotely joyful."
Previously: Cher recorded an entire album of ABBA covers
(Tastefully Offensive) Read the rest
Since Gordon Ramsay got 25 million views showing how to scramble eggs, there's been a sharp uptick in inane cooking videos. Enter The Onion with the perfect response. Read the rest
Trump has been an unwelcome godsend to some political parodists, but for The Onion, Trump's self-parodying nature is more hurdle than boon. Read the rest
"Bitter at the ascendency of man, these scheming apes brewed this deadly virus in their jungle lairs." — David Attenborough†.
† The Onion. Read the rest
From The Onion:
You see, what I said was, “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” But what I meant to say was, “I am a worthless, moronic sack of shit and an utterly irredeemable human being who needs to shut up and go away forever.”
It is clear to me now that I did not choose my words with care and did not get across the point I was trying to convey. In hindsight, I guess instead of using the words “legitimate rape,” I should have used the words “I am an unforgivable, unrepentant, and unconscionable subhuman dickhead.” Or better yet, “I am an evil, fucked-up man who should never have been elected to the United States Congress, and anyone who would vote for me is probably a pretty big fucking dumbshit, too.” See how much more sense that makes? It’s amazing how a few key word changes can totally alter the meaning of a statement.
There's a lot more.
I Misspoke—What I Meant To Say Is 'I Am Dumb As Dog Shit And I Am A Terrible Human Being' Read the rest