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How misophonia, aka "sound rage," can destroy relationships

image: Bana Balleh/Shutterstock

Misophonia, commonly known as "sound rage," is "a decreased tolerance to certain sounds," according to University of Oxford psychologist Jane Gregory who co-authored a key scientific paper on the subject. And it turns out that 18% of people, in the UK at least, experience some form of it. Maybe it's the sloppy salivary sounds of your partner eating or the annoying whistle of someone's snoring, but it's definitely a thing that can repulse people to the breaking point, even leading people to end relationships out of sheer acoustic agony. From The Guardian:

That "aversive reaction" can take the form of physical changes such as increased muscle tension or heart rate, or emotional responses such as irritability, shame and anxiety. It brings on a fight, flight or even a freeze response where, according to Gregory, "you get a really strong adrenaline reaction and it tells you that you're either in danger or you're being violated"[…]

Gregory suggests then "slowing down your breathing, or just giving your mind a little job to do", such as playing a game for a minute. By the time you re-enter the room, the sound might be gone, or you might feel better equipped, "because you know what's coming".

She also recommends "opposite action – this idea that sometimes the more we avoid something or block it out, the more harmful it feels to us. In CBT [cognitive behavioural therapy], we do the opposite of what you feel like doing." In this vein, she tries to fight her instinct to glare at her husband, gazing adoringly at him instead: "It's a way of tripping up your brain and saying: remember that you love this person, remember that you're not actually in danger."

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