Holy Vending Machine


29 Responses to “Holy Vending Machine”

  1. cognitive dissonance says:

    salvation is $.50 away

  2. apoxia says:

    Jesus would love this.

  3. cognitive dissonance says:

    salvation is $.50 away

  4. querent says:

    This is great.

    I was in the vatican on acid at the age of like 17, and my favorite thing there was a little sign on the counter of a souvenir shop just outside of Saint Peter’s creepy arms that read:

    “Objects purchased at the vatican gift shop can be blessed and sent to your hotel at no extra charge.”

    I made my girlfriend (who was catholic till i got my hands on her) take a photo, but I think I lost it.

    (Actually, my real favorite thing was Michelangelo’s Pieta. Liquid stone.)

  5. monkey_pirate says:

    Say what you want, but my wife got the bracelet shown at the very top, and nearly every time she’s worn it out, someone has asked her where she got it.

    If it’s the same, it’s actually a very snazzy-looking piece of junk jewelry.

  6. Anonymous says:

    We atheists have some swag, here’s the zazzle store for a friend of mine:

  7. Jacksonbaker323 says:

    I got a bunch of the catholic saints out of one of these in a New Mexico Wal-Mart. They sat on my desk at work and fought the Ninjas I bought in another vending machine in the same Wal-Mart.

  8. Felton says:

    Impulse Amusements…do they also own the condom dispensers?

  9. Anonymous says:

    Oh man, I saw one of these in Santa Paula. My friend and i each tried our luck and got crappy little crosses, not even a figure of the savior on them.

  10. Anonymous says:

    I love this! The first recorded vending machine was a coin-operated holy water dispenser built by Heron of Alexandria around 50 AD or so. I wonder if the person who thought this up was aware of that?

  11. TheCrawNotTheCraw says:

    Wow. This really *does* look like “Holy S**t!”

    And an entire machine full of it. I hope the Illuminati don’t rip it off.

  12. Teller says:

    My friends, that’s a Mending Machine.

  13. Takuan says:

    nonsense! There’s no way anyone got a piece of the True Cross in one of these. I sold them all in my yard sale.

  14. Anonymous says:

    There is a safety warning on the machine.

    I’m sure it is warning that this product may induce a feeling of guilt while watching sports on Sunday.

  15. Marchhare says:

    Just in case anyone hasn’t seen Chick tracts:


  16. elk says:

    Jesus = original creative commons merchandising. Sorry Atheists, this is where you fail. No merch to hock.

  17. Salamalecs says:

    Safety Warning !

    May cause the apparition of imaginary friends, impair judgement, and cause general douchebag behavior.

  18. theficus says:

    I found something like this when I was at an outlet mall in Aurora, IL. Glow crosses for those church-sponsored raves.


  19. sylkworm says:

    The next Joss Whedon vampire movie has *got* to have a scene with one of these in it.

    **vampires about to get heroes**

    Hero 1: Look, there’s a cross. Do you have a quarter?
    Hero 2: No, just a dime and a nickel.
    Hero 1: Crap!
    Hero 2: Quick check the soda machines!!

  20. arkizzle / Moderator says:

    Jesus, I looked at chick.com.. I’m violated. Truly.

    Proceed at your peril.

  21. Bionicrat2 says:

    Coco’s Variety store, which I know has some crossover with this site, has a saints vending machine.

  22. Thebes says:

    Is there a Money Changing machine located conveniently to these?

  23. karmstrong says:

    This is very different. I thought that you could get your blessing for free. Next you will be seeing holy water dispensed out of these typical vending machines. Hey that is an idea. LOL

  24. Modusoperandi says:

    merreborn “On an only tangentially related note, I hit up Tacqueria Mana in downtown SF the other day, and was delighted to find that they had Spanish-language chick tracts at the register.”
    Musulmanes, Católicos y los ateos que todo van al infierno. Ole!

  25. Fred H says:

    “Religious Jewelry and Accessories.” What’s the accessory? Is it the tiny bible? Is there even print inside that? It’d be better if inside was a drawing of God; angry, and pointing his finger at you. Cut to the chase, I say.

  26. merreborn says:

    On an only tangentially related note, I hit up Tacqueria Mana in downtown SF the other day, and was delighted to find that they had Spanish-language chick tracts at the register.

    I’d never actually seen anyone distributing those things in public, much less in Spanish.

  27. NeonCat says:

    Unless the miniature Bible also contains a Russian phrase book, I don’t want it.

  28. GammaBlog says:

    Indulgences encased in plastic.

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