Holy Vending Machine

Jason Torchinsky is a guest blogger on Boing Boing. Jason has a book out now, Ad Nauseam: A Survivor's Guide to American Consumer Culture. He lives in Los Angeles, where he is a tinkerer and artist and writes for the Onion News Network. He lives with a common-law wife, five animals, too many old cars, and a shed full of crap.

I'm not sure what I like more, that you can get a miniature Bible or a set of Rosaries for 50¢, or that this is owned by a company called "Impulse Amusements". You know, for when you find it impulsively amusing to have the blood of Christ wash away your sins.

jdt_holytreasures.jpg
Plus, my ichthyologist's brother's friend's horse's roomate's cousin swears he once got a piece of the True Cross in one of these.

29

  1. I got a bunch of the catholic saints out of one of these in a New Mexico Wal-Mart. They sat on my desk at work and fought the Ninjas I bought in another vending machine in the same Wal-Mart.

  2. Oh man, I saw one of these in Santa Paula. My friend and i each tried our luck and got crappy little crosses, not even a figure of the savior on them.

  3. I love this! The first recorded vending machine was a coin-operated holy water dispenser built by Heron of Alexandria around 50 AD or so. I wonder if the person who thought this up was aware of that?

  4. Wow. This really *does* look like “Holy S**t!”

    And an entire machine full of it. I hope the Illuminati don’t rip it off.

  5. nonsense! There’s no way anyone got a piece of the True Cross in one of these. I sold them all in my yard sale.

  6. There is a safety warning on the machine.

    I’m sure it is warning that this product may induce a feeling of guilt while watching sports on Sunday.

  7. Jesus = original creative commons merchandising. Sorry Atheists, this is where you fail. No merch to hock.

  8. Safety Warning !

    May cause the apparition of imaginary friends, impair judgement, and cause general douchebag behavior.

  9. The next Joss Whedon vampire movie has *got* to have a scene with one of these in it.

    **vampires about to get heroes**

    Hero 1: Look, there’s a cross. Do you have a quarter?
    Hero 2: No, just a dime and a nickel.
    Hero 1: Crap!
    Hero 2: Quick check the soda machines!!

  10. “Religious Jewelry and Accessories.” What’s the accessory? Is it the tiny bible? Is there even print inside that? It’d be better if inside was a drawing of God; angry, and pointing his finger at you. Cut to the chase, I say.

  11. On an only tangentially related note, I hit up Tacqueria Mana in downtown SF the other day, and was delighted to find that they had Spanish-language chick tracts at the register.

    I’d never actually seen anyone distributing those things in public, much less in Spanish.

  12. Say what you want, but my wife got the bracelet shown at the very top, and nearly every time she’s worn it out, someone has asked her where she got it.

    If it’s the same, it’s actually a very snazzy-looking piece of junk jewelry.

  13. Jesus, I looked at chick.com.. I’m violated. Truly.

    Proceed at your peril.

  14. This is very different. I thought that you could get your blessing for free. Next you will be seeing holy water dispensed out of these typical vending machines. Hey that is an idea. LOL

  15. This is great.

    I was in the vatican on acid at the age of like 17, and my favorite thing there was a little sign on the counter of a souvenir shop just outside of Saint Peter’s creepy arms that read:

    “Objects purchased at the vatican gift shop can be blessed and sent to your hotel at no extra charge.”

    I made my girlfriend (who was catholic till i got my hands on her) take a photo, but I think I lost it.

    (Actually, my real favorite thing was Michelangelo’s Pieta. Liquid stone.)

  16. merreborn “On an only tangentially related note, I hit up Tacqueria Mana in downtown SF the other day, and was delighted to find that they had Spanish-language chick tracts at the register.”
    Musulmanes, Católicos y los ateos que todo van al infierno. Ole!

Comments are closed.