Spocko sez, "It's nice to know that some companies understand that non-essential federal employees are people too, with needs and wants and not robots that can be shut off with a switch. Thankfully Vibrators.com understands and is giving away free vibrators to Federal Employees during the government shutdown. They are giving away 200 a day. Simply enter the coupon code. 'IAmAFederalEmployee'"
They won't do a background check to confirm you are one, but if you lie they point out, 'Karma will get you.
Note: Congress Representatives, who voted for the shutdown, are all deemed "essential" so are ineligible. But since they are still getting paid, they can afford to buy their own.