About a year ago, I reported my discovery of a mysterious old safe at the back of a closet in the old house I'd just bought. After much fooling around with combinations and pointless gadgets in my spare time over the course of many months, you finally insisted I call in the professionals. I ignored this plea until you summoned them yourselves.
It took a little time to actually find one, though: the skills it takes to crack a 1920s safe are both uncommon and in-demand, and local locksmiths in Pittsburgh ultimately sent me on to master safecracker Gary Timchak.
He drilled a hole, slid a rigid borescope within, and had it open in minutes.
What was inside? Spoilers are below!
A locked door, because they knew about the basic principle of two-factor authentication a century ago: something you know and something you have.
Such as a bump key and a rubber mallet.
Inside were shelves, two more locked drawers, and some dank carpet. Timchak bumped the drawers too. The drawers were empty.
I placed a photograph of Geraldo Rivera lovingly within the 300-lb, 5-inch concrete-and-iron tomb and closed the door.
I do hope those of you waiting are satisfied.
