McSweeney's rips hilarious hole in flash mob trend

In literary journal McSweeney's, this acerbic, gutbustingly funny parody of a digital hipster trend whose time to die has come — Group Mobilization as a Desperate Cry for Help, by Christopher Monks:

Hello! You are invited to take part in a flash mob, the project that creates an inexplicable mob of people for ten minutes or less, in the front yard of my ex-girlfriend Deborah's house, tomorrow at 6:13 p.m. Please tell anybody else that you think might be interested in joining us. INSTRUCTIONS:

1) We'll meet outside the Crazy Pizza around the corner from Deborah's place. Be there by 6 p.m. Please be respectful of Crazy Pizza's employees and patrons, and refrain from ordering pizza or Crazy Cinnaballs.

2) At exactly 6:05 p.m. I will pass out slips of paper with general instructions and poster boards. One-third of the poster boards will read "I will never stop lovin' you, Deborah"; one-third will read "Why do you insist on ruining my life?"; and one-third will read "Please don't throw out my comic book collection."

3) Once the instructions and poster boards have been passed out, I will organize the group. All of the guys who are better looking than me will be sent to the back and will be required to wear sad clown masks. If I find that a better-looking-than-me guy in a sad clown mask is still better-looking than me I will ask him to leave. This may seem a little paranoid, but you don't know Deborah like I know Deborah. All of the just as good-looking as me guys will be placed in the middle of the line, and the guys who I think are uglier than me will get to be in the front. Women can choose to be wherever they want.

Link to essay, Discuss

(Thanks, Susannah!)