My friend, Steve Silberman, who has written probably 15 of my favorite 20 stories in Wired, wrote this fantastic essay about being an American gay married man. He sez: "With all the current speculation about gay marriage sinking the election for Kerry, it occurred to me that no one was hearing from gay people who have actually gotten married. The entire debate was turning on abstractions. So I wrote this as a reality check."
Our Traditional Non-Traditional Wedding
As I read through the post-mortems of the 2004 election speculating about whether the gay marriage issue cost John Kerry his presidency — with many Democrats supporting this view — I have the disoriented feeling of reading about my sweet, ordinary life with Keith distorted through funhouse mirrors. When writer Bill Bennett places gay marriage in opposition to "ethical values" and a "decent society," as he did in the National Review the day after the election, does he mean us? Apparently so. By now, the concept of marriages like ours has been twisted into such an abstract threat to so many otherwise fine and compassionate people — and so divorced from the humble blessing of two souls caring deeply for one another — it's time for a national reality check.
Keith and I are not political activists. His family has traditionally voted Republican, and his parents voted for Bush in the recent election. Until recently, Keith's father was the mayor of a small town in the Midwest; the first time I met him, he took me aside and said, "I know that you are very special to Keith, so that means you are very special to us." There was such simple, human, Midwestern forthrightness in that statement. No banner-waving, no Biblical injunctions, no soapboxing. Just a clear and compassionate message: We love our son and trust his ability to make the most personal decision of all.
Keith and I didn't get married to commit a pioneering act of civil disobedience, to "redefine marriage" as President Bush claimed during his campaign, or to outrage the religious right. We took our vows because getting hitched seemed like the sane next step of our commitment. We figured the best way to defend the sanctity of marriage was to have one and live up to the promises we made to one another.
