Conservapedia's entry on the cactus

Conservapedia, a wiki encyclopedia that aims to eliminate the left-wing bias in Wikipedia, is a gold-mine of unintentional hilarity. The entry on the cactus is especially rib-ticking.

The secularist view of the Cactaceae is that they are roughly two million years old, and that they have evolved exclusively in the new world. This view fails to explain, however, how it is that the Opuntia genus is native to the island of Opus, near Greece. Cacti are known for their high content of alkaloids, and have often been used in the sacramental rights of the Native Americans. Because of this, the early Catholic missionaries in the west thought the plants to be the work of Satan, and this is perhaps a preferable view to that of materialistic evolution since it is difficult to imagine how something like mescaline could have evolved by natural selection. Besides that, the psychoactive content of many cacti have inspired the writings of such ungodly men as Aldous Huxley and Albert Hoffman.

Several species of cactus are now endangered in the west due to "poaching" by collectors and invasive species. But, since Genesis suggests that man has been given dominion over all of the earth, the environmentalist concerns on this note are entirely inappropriate. It may also be that environmentalists, in addition to flauting the Word of God, are merely concerned about the effects that declining cactus populations will have on their supply of mescaline.

You can't make this stuff up, folks. You have to let others do it for you.


(Thanks, Kevin!)

Reader comment:

Scott says:

"You can't make this stuff up, folks. You have to let others do it for

Or, perhaps you can. A comment on the blog you linked to notes:

"Righteous Bubba said…

Although there are lots of funny original entries there, you should know
that everybody and their mother has been vandalizing the Conservapedia for a
little while now.

The joke entries tend to use better English than the true ones.

Geoff Holtby said…

It's definitely been vandalized all to hell. But most of the vandalism is of
a subtle Colbertian sort. Outright vandalism just gets removed, so a lot of
people have been adding hilarious pseudo-Conservative entries. There was a
thread on the Something Awful forums about doing exactly this."