It's not every day that police officers gang up on a toy cougar and taser it into submission. Such an event ought to be commemorated, don't you think? Annually, perhaps.
Police in Michigan responding to a report of a cougar on the loose said they ended up shooting a large toy cat with a Taser stun gun.
Warren police said the 911 caller said a "huge" animal resembling "a 150-pound cat" was spotted in an old cement drainpipe in Bates Park and 10 officers were sent to the scene, WDIV-TV, Detroit, reported Monday. The officers saw the outline of the animal in the pipe and shot it with a Taser.
[On]nce a year, in early May, we scour our attics and thrift shops for stuffed animals, then donate them to our local police force. It's optional to dress the toys in darling prison stripes, or tie cute bandanas around their furry necks that say things like "Do Tase Me Bro."
Then, at noon-time on May 18, we all gather in the main square to applaud the line of officers proudly brandishing their batons and tasers. They get to pummel the stuffing out of the pile of toys, and send thousand of volts through those fluffy bellies — as much as they like! No holding back!
Meanwhile, I propose that a marching band alternates between renditions of, say, Elvis Presley's "Teddy Bear" and Michael Jackson's "Beat It."
Wherein I Propose a National Cougar Day
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