THE BUREAU: Part Four, "The Appearance and Assassination of President Jung Thug"

THE BUREAU by Ethan Persoff

From the weekly series The Bureau.

Each week of The Bureau has an electronic music soundtrack for each panel. Here is this week's playlist:

On the subject of Killing Thug

President Thug, is of course, a work of complete fiction. Born under the harsh unloving glare of his father, Slumlord Sigmund "Fred" Thug, young Jung grew up covered in money but without the nurturing warmth that many humans require for sustainable organ function. Subsequently, at age five Jung's heart collapsed. This was an emergency situation where the nation's top doctors found the only possible cure: Spray Tanning liquid, administered almost around the clock, administered via tube through the top of his head, a location selected for its soft indentable surface and lack of use. A straw hood of hay was sewn to cover his head, which he would famously wear throughout the remainder of his life.

Thug's heart regained normal human size and capacity but the constant injections altered his brain, causing irreversible vanity, impotence, and brain damage. As Thug grew older his intelligence continued to decline, setting a Guinness World Record for dumbest mammal. After a brief attempt at writing fictional books on success and dealmaking, Thug had a brief but memorable career in Hollywood, most notably playing The Gremlin in the Twilight Zone's "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet".

Jung Thug, before becoming President, tearing apart a plane in mid-air.

Thug appeared in the original 1963 episode as The Gremlin and reprised his role as The Gremlin in The Twilight Zone Movie

Soon, he found politics and became the President of the United States. In this unforeseen role, he became 'The Nation's Gremlin', Thug proceeded to tug at every wire of government — As he had practiced through mere acts of fantasy in the Twilight Zone — This time inflicting real damage on the country's Constitution, the safety of its people, and its standing in the world.

Jung Thug would be an immediate threat to our collective survival.

If such a scenario were to actually occur, it would certainly become a global emergency in need of immediate action. But as The Bureau is merely a comic book story, it can merely present you the terrible story of President Thug and provide a play button for you to kill him over and over:

Have a very good holiday.

The Bureau will return Wednesday, November 28th, 12:38pm PST.

Read all installments of this series.