Paint your nails with Velveeta

Processed cheese brand Velveeta is getting weird, y'all. First, in November 2021, they launched their rebranding and ad campaign, "La Dolce Velveeta," which, according to AdWeek, set out

to pivot Velveeta from a cheese-adjacent product to a lifestyle brand thanks to a nod to the Italian phrase "the sweet life" and an ad with consumers living their best lives with Velveeta cubed, melted and more.

The ad campaign includes commercials like this one, which "depicts the glamour a Velveeta dish can bring to everyday settings." The commercial highlights people engaged in activities of everyday life—an older woman in a floral dress mowing her grass on a riding lawnmower, a young woman in a bathing cap and swimsuit coverup lounging in a lawn chair inside a blow-up pool in her backyard, a group of young adults eating dinner in their living room.

As the camera pans in closer, you see that in each vignette, folks are enjoying Velveeta products. The woman on the riding mower holds a martini glass filled with Velveeta Shells & Cheese; the woman in the pool daintily eats Shells & Cheese out of a bowl with a tropical umbrella toothpick, and one woman at the dinner party pours melted Velveeta out of a silver teapot into a china teacup on a platter while another sips the cheese with her pinky finger held high. According to AdAge, set to the tune of "O Mio Babbino Caro," the "60-second ad depicts the glamour a Velveeta dish can bring to the everyday setting." With the soprano aria soaring in the background, the ad's depiction of a technicolor slice of suburbia is, I have to admit, sort of engaging.

Now they're back with a product I first thought was a joke but, in fact, actually exists. The company recently launched a nail polish collaboration with Nails.INC. It's called "Pinkies Out Polish," and they describe it as a "Creamy Smooth Cheese Scented Nail Polish Duo". For $15 you can buy a pair of polishes— one shade is called "La Dolce Velveeta yellow" and the other is "Finger Food red," and both are "inspired by your favorite VELVEETA." The description of the product goes on to warn that "While our polish is cheese-scented, it is (unfortunately) not made of VELVEETA. Please don't eat it—that's what cheesy, melty VELVEETA is for!" (WELL THANK GOODNESS THEY WARNED ME!), and asserts that the nail polish is "Designed to help you live every day PINKIES OUT."

AdWeek provides more insight into the product:

"Velveeta is known for its rich, creamy texture and cheesy, melty goodness, so what better way to bring this to life for our fans than with something equally as rich and creamy—nail polish," said Kelsey Rice, senior brand communications manager at the Kraft Heinz Company, in a statement. "Our Velveeta Pinkies Out Polish gives pleasure seekers everywhere an irresistible new way to show the world that they are living 'La Dolce Velveeta' by living pinkies out."

It's a tough decision. I mean, summer's here, and my nails (as usual) are bare. Dare I start living La Dolce Velveeta?