Shutterstock image by Larisa Lofitskaya
Victoria never played soccer herself, but she became an avid fan of the sport in a short amount of time. Soccer brought out Victoria's competitive spirit. When her twelve-year-old son, Tim, made the all-star AYSO team, Victoria was only too happy to take him to the two weekday practices and the weekend games. Tim loved playing, and he worked hard to improve his game. He was making steady progress, but this was not fast enough for Victoria. In her mind, Tim was not trying hard enough. She believed that he needed to be more aggressive to reach the "next level." Nothing irked her more than to see another player beat her son to the ball.
And so Victoria, ever the controller, constantly pushed Tim to be more aggressive on the field. Her shouts could be heard above everyone else's. Tim complained to his mom that she was distracting him during the game. But this didn't deter her. During one important tournament game, Victoria loudly criticized Tim in front of the other parents for backing off some bigger opponents. Tim was so embarrassed that he walked off the field crying, right in the middle of the game. He told Victoria he didn't want to play anymore.
Unfortunately, such stories are all too common in childhood sports. To see what's really at stake, just go to a league game in almost any sport and witness who suffers most from a loss and who takes longer to get over it! Here's a clue: it is not the child.
Excessive parental control extends well beyond the playing field. It pervades the classroom, artistic performance, religious observance, childhood friendships, and social activities, all with equally troubling consequences.