Have you not seen The VelociPastor: A Man of the Claw?

Dinasours, Christianity, ninjas, and justice; the perfect movie mix for this burning planet of unrepentant mutants – author proudly included, and the taglines of a cult classic.

Released in 2018, VelociPastor is a sci-fi adjacent story of ridiculous humor and cutting-edge special effects, intricately choreographed fight scenes that will keep you captivated – or at least mysteriously intrigued for 1:10:52. The poster is an eclectic trans-decade mix mash of images inspired by Terminator, Jurassic Park, and mid-80s US produced ninja movies with these creative titles, Revenge of the Ninja, Enter the Ninja, and American Ninja.

Oh, the plot. "After losing his parents, a priest [Greg Cohan] travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first horrified by this new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime. And ninjas."

All those sentences are true and accurate – about the film. This needs to circulate more.

As Bobby LePire from Film Threat asks in their review, "The VelociPastor. Did you laugh happily at the absurdity of that name? Or did your eyes roll to the back of your head so hard that they made a noise? If the former describes you, congratulations, The VelociPastor is precisely as fun as its title suggests."

I like this review from The Nerdist, "Considering the absurd title, poster, trailer, and premise for Velocipastor —a movie in which a priest transforms into a killer dinosaur—it's natural to expect it to be bad while hoping it will be so bad it's "good." However, if that's what you want from the film you're not going to get it, but for a good reason. Velocipastor knows exactly what it is: a sincere parody that is genuinely funny. And if it were shorter it might even be great."

Check out the trailer here.

Kings of Horror has the full theatrical performance here.