Tonya Harding shot JFK?

According to Robert Urbanek, scandalous ice skater Tonya Harding shot JFK. How is that possible? Because she was actually Lee Harvey Oswald in a previous life. And yes, President Kennedy has been reborn as Harding's rival Nancy Kerrigan. Hilarious parody? Frightening reality? You decide. From TonyaHardingShotJFK.com:

Consider the evidence of reincarnation. Both Tonya Harding and Lee Harvey Oswald have the letters "Har" in their names. Both of their victims were Irish Catholics from Massachusetts whose last names began with the letters "Ke": John F. Kennedy and Nancy Kerrigan, and both were attacked in cities beginning with the letter "D": Dallas and Detroit. Time magazine also saw a connection in the assaults on Kerrigan and Kennedy. Margaret Carlson wrote in the February 21, 1994 issue, "The videocam verite of the clubbing [of Kerrigan] provides the same gritty realism that the Zapruder footage brought to Oliver Stone's JFK."

Harding and Oswald came from poor dysfunctional families and learned to use a rifle. Both were about the same age when they became infamous: Lee at 24, Tonya at 23. And they have similar facial features. Kennedy doesn't look like Kerrigan, but Kerrigan looks a bit like Jackie Kennedy. Perhaps God's joke is that JFK, the womanizer, should return in a body resembling his own wife.

Tonya Harding Is Lee Harvey Oswald (tonyahardingshotjfk.com, thanks Vann Hall!)

• [jibbles]

  I am sick and tired of Tanya Harding! I don’t want to hear it! I mean, let her fry!

• [HankPootel]

  Isn’t that Tonya Hadring?

  • [Antinous]

    Tonya Hadron. That explains the collisions.

• [Halloween Jack]

  Still doesn’t come close to my favoritest crazy conspiracy theory ever.

• [GRCurley]

  It looks more like Tanya and Merry helped Sam and Frodo get the ring to Mordor.

• [dculberson]

  Large Harding Collider

  Nothing’s as inescapable as crazy.

• [Mojave]

  #19 you must not have seen the palin interview from last night yet….

• [Mojave]

  Have you guys seen this one….whew boy!

• [Mark Rowan]

  It’s true. History really does repeat itself.

  His truth is marching on!

• [Secret_Life_of_Plants]

  http://www.hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/

• [ZippySpincycle]

  S.L.O.P. @28, did you view the source for that page? Hee… (Thanks to whoever it was on Making Light who pointed that out!)

• [IWood]

  God damn it, I shot JFK. Nobody fucking listens to me.

  Also: Bigfoot.

• [jimh]

  @#15: You know, a lot of ins, a lot of outs, a lot of what-have-yous, and… a… a lot of… a… strands to keep in my head, man. You know, a lot of strands in the ol’ Duder’s head.

• [Anonymous]

  I always thought Marilyn Monroe was the other gunman, on the grassy knoll, who shot Kennedy. Thus the retaliation of her death a little while later.

• [eustace]

  LOL! Yeah, the Dude will sort it all out.

• [ekricyote]

  Does that mean I can her for my curry?

• [buddy66]

  Makes as much sense as most JFK conspiracy theories, and better than some.

• [membrain]

  wait. yes!

  no.

• [Master of Space and Time]

  If Harding didn’t, at the end, kill Kerrigan, did that mean that Oswald didn’t kill JFK ?

• [Falcon_Seven]

  I knew it. I knew it. We have all been sucked into an alternate reality because of the LHC. Bloody physicists! Damn their oily hides!

• [ZehnKatzen]

  Man, I’ll tell you. Conspire to crack the kneecap of just one opponent and it’s nothing but crap after that for the rest of your life.

  I might actually start feeling sorry for her.

  No, wait. Won’t actually (whew!)

• [nanuq]

  To Whom It May Concern:

  We don’t know how you caught on to our evil scheme but delete this post at once or we will be forced to send in the Men In Black to deal with you.

  Yours truly,

  The Evil Conspirators(tm)

• [Antinous]

  Alright, I’ll say it. He’s a bit prettier than her, eh?

• [buddy66]

  Lee did have his cute side.

• [FoetusNail]

  What was that revelatory moment like, when these two melded in Urbanek’s mind?

• [shutz]

  Y’all have it all completely wrong…

  JFK from a couple of years in the future came back in time to shoot himself from the grassy knoll to prevent an even worse future from happening.

  It’s simple, really, when you think about it.

• [jimh]

  Oswald collected stamps.
  Harding has a tramp stamp.
  THIS IS REAL, WAKE UP PEOPLE!

• [Ugly Canuck]

  Yes this duder has a strandy head, and they all seem spaghettied together. He says he sees repeating patterns.
  But the media does tend to reduce all stories from their ineluctable uniquity down to examples and elaborations of some previously-heard story’s template. This is less about the facts, and material reality, and more about the Noosphere, and the recognition of the repetition of pattern, in the Media’s presentation of “current events”. All attacks are similar in that they are all “attacks”, but IMO this says more about or language than anything about the “true nature” of any attack.
  On 9-11, the originality of the “event” caused the news “anchors” to basically reveal their “mouthpiecehood” by their complete lack of analysis until they got some through their earphones – that day was way off script, but if there is another such attack the response will be well-formulated and ready. That is no future attack will carry the sheer surprise of 9-11. But that’s what they thought after Pearl Harbour, too.
  Yes Osama is Tojo reborn.

• [themindfantastic]

  I love kooks, and their conspiracies… better than hollywood any day of the week.

• [franko]

  i’ll paraphrase your own xeni (from just a few days ago!) in regards to these eerie similarities:

  “…and both ‘molemen’ and ‘monticello’ begin with the same two letters…”

  EVERYTHING IS A CONSPIRACY BY THE MOLEMEN!

  monticello… kennedy… tonya harding… molemen! IT ALL FITS!

• [Falcon_Seven]

  After reading Mr. Urbanek’s article I have come to the conclusion that he is freebasing Salvia.

• [FoetusNail]

  Shutz, is that the future where Kennedy becomes addicted to painkillers, leaving Bobby to run the company, or the one where he gets blackmailed by the mob and they have nuclear war with Castro?

• [eustace]

  Like a jigsaw puzzle, the strands were coming together. Like a spider’s web, all the pieces were falling into place!

• [magicthread]

  sounds like urbanek thought borges was being serious

• [alisong76]

  9 – Do you watch Red Dwarf too? ;-)

• [Bottlekid]

  How is it that nobody was ever a Dung Beetle in a previous life?

• [pooklord]

  That is truly the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

• [Ugly Canuck]

  Bottlekid we were ALL dung beetles in a previous life.

• [Pelko]

  I heard that it was the lone gunman.

• [eustace]

  Uniquity! My day is brighter for learning this word. Thanx, UC.

• [GraemeM]

  #9, Red Dwarf, its been done and I believe you’ve seen it.

• [mdh]

  I’m a dung beetle in this life. All I ever seem to do is eat ….

• [Kunochan]

  I just wanted to point out that this theory makes more sense than the “9-11 Truth” nonsense.