Emergency (MC) Hammer

 Curl 1208913995 Jess Hemerly showed me this photo of a delightful alteration of an emergency hammer box. I asked her where she got the image and she just said, "the Internet."

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  1. If only this had been in that McDonald’s. That nuggets woman wouldn’t have had to ring 911..

  2. I tried it.
    M.C. Hammer shows up. He’s half drunk, hopped on on goofballs, and he wants to dance. Then his mood swings, and he’s crying about how nobody wants his parachute pants. Then he’s mad about rappers today are such posers. Geez.
    Then he’s hungry for caviar, but he can’t find his wallet. I went to Albersons and got him cat food. Anyways, it took hours to get rid him, so if you see this emergency hammer box, …don’t.

  3. There is no real hammer in there, just a half-empty bottle of Chivas, a copy of “Timecop,” and cassette tape with an endless loop of “King of Wishful Thinking.”

  4. I want one of these boxes but……. what the HELL is an emergency hammer? Is the green sticker part of this for real or is that part of the joke? (In which case this should be captioned “alteration of an emergency box” rather than “alteration of an emergency hammer box”, if there is indeed no such thing as an emergency hammer box. Because I sure as hell have never heard of an emergency HAMMER. Is this one of those deals where you have to break into the box to get the emergency hammer to break the emergency glass on the emergency alarm?)

  5. Ok, this better not turn into another internet meme like “Rick Ashley“. I don’t want to suffer the dread of being “Hammered” with each new email, document or web page.

    Stop now, before it’s too late!

  6. God I hope the fine for misuse is spending a day with him…or death….

    Cory #12, emergency hammers can be found in trains and subways. In emergencies, you use the hammer (it has a point on one or both ends) to break the glass of the window, thus giving you an avenue of escape. Many people have them in their cars, or similar devices that can puncture the glass, which is then much easier to push out.

    Also…makes it much easier to break INTO cars…

  7. I think your friend was being cagey about acquiring the image because she had to use her secret time machine to go back to when Hammer was relevant or funny to get this pic.

  8. U can’t touch this
    U can’t touch this
    U can’t touch this
    U can’t touch this

    My-my-my-my (U can’t touch this) fire hits me so hard
    Makes me say,”oh my lord thank you for blessing me
    With a glee to flee and two hyped feet”
    It feels good
    When you know you’re down
    A superdope homeboy from the Oaktown
    And I’m known as such
    And this is a wall-uh!
    U can’t touch this

    I told you homeboy
    U can’t touch this
    Yeah, that’s how we dyin’ and you know
    U can’t touch this
    Look in my eyes, man
    U can’t touch this
    Yo, let me bust the wall down
    U can’t touch this

    (imagine hammer in a fire suit)

    Fresh new kicks and pants
    You got it like that now you know you wanna dance
    So move out of your seat
    And get a fly girl and flee this heat
    While it’s rolling
    Hold on
    Bump a little bit and let ’em know it’s going on
    Like that
    Like that
    Cold on a mission so fall on back
    Let ’em know that you’re too much
    And this is a heat
    They can’t touch

    Yo! I told you
    U can’t touch this
    Why you standing there, man?
    U can’t touch this
    Yo, sound the bells, fire is in, sucker
    U can’t touch this
    Give me a song or rhythm
    Making ’em sweat
    That’s what I’m giving’em
    Now they know
    You talk about the Hammer, you’re talking about a show
    That’s hyped and tight
    Singers are sweating so pass them a wipe
    Or a tape to learn
    What it is going to take in the ’90s
    To burn the charts
    Legit either work hard or you might as well quit

    That’s the word,because you know
    U can’t touch this
    U can’t touch this

    Break it down

    Stop. . . Hammer time

    Go with the flow
    It is said
    That if you can’t flee from this
    Then you probably are dead
    So wave your hands in the air
    Bust a few moves, run your fingers through your hair
    This is it for a winter
    Dance to this an’ you’re gonna get thinner
    Move slide your rump
    Just for a minute, let’s all do the bump
    Bump bump bump

    Yeah, U can’t touch this
    Look man, U can’t touch this
    You better get hyped
    Boy ’cause you know ya can’t
    U can’t touch this
    Ring the bell, fire’s back in
    Break it down

    Stop. Hammer time

    U can’t touch this
    U can’t touch this
    U can’t touch this
    U can’t touch this
    Break it down

    Stop. Hammer time

    Every time you see me
    The Hammer’s just so hyped
    I’m dope on the floor
    And I’m magic on the flight
    Now why would I ever
    Stop doing this?
    When others making records
    That just don’t hit
    I’ve toured around the world
    From London to the Bay
    It’s Hammer, go Hammer, M.C.Hammer, Yo Hammer
    And the rest can go and pray
    Can’t touch this

    U can’t touch this
    U can’t touch this
    U can’t touch this
    Yeah,U can’t touch this
    I told you, U can’t touch this
    Too hype, can’t touch this
    Yo, we outta here, can’t touch this

    if anyone feels like recording this i would love to hear it.

  9. This vaguely reminds me of a utility closet at school labeled “CUSTODIAN,” above which someone had written “JACQUES.”

  10. Man, if I had a hammer, I’d hammer in the morning, hammer in the evening. Shit, I’d hammer all over this land.

  11. This just won’t work. When a fire breaks out, “U can’t touch this”. “Uhoh uhoh uhoh uhoh, Can’t touch this”

  12. When I was 6 or 7, my elementary school didn’t have summer school, but during the summer you could go to the school and check out balls for four-square, basketball, or other activities. A lot of kids were there.

    A buddy and I were wandering around campus (not allowed). We came to a fire alarm, and I wondered about the glass cover- it must break pretty easy, huh? Yup! Sure does!
    Alarms sound everywhere, so like a responsible citizen, I ran like hell! Dashing across the street I looked back at about 300 people chasing me!

    My friends, there is nothing quite as exhillerating as being chased by several hundred people. I’ve never felt so alive.

  13. I just watched the video. Booooring.
    That guy should’a used my strategy:
    cry like a leetle ghirl.
    Works every time.

  14. #41

    “I’m ready when it’s not an emergency !!Go Ahead break the glass !”

    lol, internet. Not only does the internet faclilitate the creation of memes starring fallen pop icons, but it also allows said pop icons to respond.

  15. Hammer’s home in Tracy, ground zero for the real estate bust, has probably fallen in value more than his mansion in Fremont did. He must be feeling pretty boxed in with a big mortgage. If only there was a way to release the Hammer from the box.

  16. @12 The image implies that you attempt to break the glass with your hand, possibly creating a second emergency.

    @16 “When an attempt is made to break it, a tab will shear and by the use of a spring the glass is thrown clear.”

    Subject was treated for head wound caused by flying glass from hammer box.

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