Duck Sex: Competition between sexes leads to crazy anatomy

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63 Responses to “Duck Sex: Competition between sexes leads to crazy anatomy”

  1. Anonymous says:

    lmfao @ #20

  2. sworm says:

    That brought back memories.

  3. ZDepthCharge says:

    That is the second most Cthuloid thing I’ve ever seen.

  4. dbarak says:

    I’m getting REALLY tired of them putting “security” cameras in the restrooms here at work.

  5. mjfgates says:

    You know how Daffy is always bouncing around? As if he had some sort of, you know, spring inside him?… Yeah.

  6. Phoenicks says:

    Duuuude. I have ducks. While I am glad their duck love in consensual, I am a little eeked out that there is a penis like that wandering around my property. Jesus Christ I had no idea that’s what was happening every morning. O_o

  7. Anonymous says:

    Unicorn! Stat! (And I don’t mean the sexual escapades of our fantastically evolved friends.)

  8. Anonymous says:

    Pshaw! My boyfriend can do that.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Yeah, that skeet skeet at the end deMANDS a unicorn chaser!

  10. semiotix says:

    Yeah, well… well… I’ve got a great personality!

    (Emasculated by a duck and it’s not even noon. Gonna be one of those days.)

  11. Neverfox says:

    Thx, #42. People say the dumbest things when talking about evolution. It had nothing to do with trying and everything to do with already having an adaptation that helps you succeed. To call it trying is to imagine the duck willing its penis or vagina into a new shape. One thing evolution hasn’t brought about is less stupid talk about evolution.

  12. hep cat says:

    Chased by Unicorns?

  13. magicbean says:

    one word: pornithology

  14. Patrick Austin says:

    Jesus Christ, this means that somewhere out there on the internet is a video of a guy with a duck on his face doing something not just horrifying, but like something out of the most screwed up tentacle porn you’ve ever seen.

    I want to travel back in time and warn myself not to read boing boing today.

  15. Angstrom says:

    So, ducks really do get ‘screwed’ then?

  16. Anonymous says:

    The excellent British comedian Stewart Lee does a bit on this subject, creating a corollary between the nature of duck sex and the anthropomorphic moralizing within “March of the Penguins”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MroAtQKHu8

  17. Anonymous says:

    my captcha says It’s Biggest

  18. Anonymous says:

    Ok——- but the BEST thing is all the comments.
    You guys are way too good. I love it.

  19. Blaine says:

    Rabbit Season!
    Duck Season, FIRE!!

  20. zyodei says:

    I dunno…I just stuck my hand up a duck’s ass and pulled it’s guts out just three days ago, and *I* didn’t see anything like that. I guess I wasn’t looking hard enough. Wish I’d seen this post first..or glad I didn’t!

    Sure made me glad I’m a vegetarian, though :P

    • Anne K. says:

      Probably because it doesn’t really look like a penis when flacid. It lays flaccid inside the cloaca until the bird gets excited. It probably wouldn’t look like much.

      Ducks, geese, swans (Anatidae) and ostriches, kiwis and tinamous (Struthioniformes/ratites) all have penises. Weird, huh?

  21. dancentury says:

    That’s just plain daffy!

  22. jja says:

    Bugs strained at the cords until the bedposts creaked, then sank exhausted. Face down, spreadeagled, tail in the air, he could not break free.

    If only he hadn’t taken that left turn…

    Behind him there was a quiet chuckle. Bugs craned his neck wildly, trying to see over his shoulder, only glimpsing a dark shape silhouetted by the light in the doorway.

    His dauntless nerve failed him. “Eh… What’s up…?”

    As he spoke, something uncoiled wildly from the figure’s crotch and curled about in the air like silly string before stiffening into a dripping, glistening tentacle, bumpy and screwy, squamous and rugose, knotted in places, pulsing in the light like the urge of an elder god made manifest. Bugs screamed, struggled uselessly as the figure approached…

    A gloating, lisping voice spoke close into Bug’s ear, spraying him with droplets of saliva, a hint of the horror that was about to unfold within him…

    “It’s rabbit season,” the voice said.

  23. UncommonSense says:

    Whew. I thought I was the only one.

  24. Junglemonkey says:

    Nothing says “Happy birthday, Jesus” like spouting duck penis!! And now I can mark “duck” on my animal penis bingo card. Thanks!

  25. kossmikman says:

    I’d wear gloves in that situation.

  26. efergus3 says:

    And we all remember this thigh slapper: C.W. Moeliker, of Natuurmuseum Rotterdam, the Netherlands, for documenting the first scientifically recorded case of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard duck.
    [REFERENCE: “The First Case of Homosexual Necrophilia in the Mallard Anas platyrhynchos (Aves: Anatidae)” C.W. Moeliker, Deinsea, vol. 8, 2001, pp. 243-7.

  27. efergus3 says:

    Won the 2003 Ig Nobel Prize.

  28. Anonymous says:

    I’m not surprised by #15′s link. We have ducks, and they aren’t very picky about what they hump – female or male, or anything that looks like it might be a duck. Every once in a while a female will start mounting other ducks too.

  29. 13tales says:

    Maggie! Eating!

  30. Anonymous says:

    I had an brief affair with a lady duck years ago. At least I THOUGHT it was an affair. Turns out she was a pro. I didn’t realize it until we were finished, and she presented me with her bill.

    ba da bump!

  31. Anonymous says:

    I’m just relieved the females appear to be winning this evolutionary arms race before the emergence of vagina dentata…

  32. Anonymous says:

    Kinda gives my views on “fart on the duck” a new perspective.

  33. Enormo says:

    Dudes, I was so eating.

  34. Crispinus211 says:

    Tastes like chicken!

  35. Andrew Denny says:

    Ha ha! That reminds me of a ‘rugby song’ I learned at my English boarding school:

    There was a young man whose name was Dick
    And he had, poor fellow, a corkscrew pri
    He spent his time in a lifelong hunt
    To find a girl with a spiral c

    He finished his search in far Glamorgan
    Where he found a girl with such an organ.
    But on their wedding night he dropped down dead,
    For he found the girl had a left hand thread!

  36. You says:

    Just look at it!

  37. Nash Rambler says:

    You’ve blinded me with science. Seriously, I had to jab out my eyes after seeing this article.

  38. ToothpasteSniffa says:

    That is not how evolution works. The ducks may be “trying” something for whatever reason but it is not their so-called trying that causes evolution to occur. Natural selection and mutant genes of the OFFSPRING lead to evolution.

    Now when somebody shows me that there is causation between the desire of a parent wishing future offspring to have certain traits and those traits appearing in said offspring, I’ll gladly change my tune. It’s a day I have long been awaiting.

    Still… and until then:

    Both laymen AND scientists must quit attributing the desire of an ancestor that directly caused the apparent evolution to occur. Desire, schmire. God cares not about your prayers. He’s long gone. Desire, schmire. Nature takes care of its own: unequivocally and without mercy.

    recaptcha rebuttal: “be Enforced” :)

    • MrScience says:

      No… but wouldn’t the theory of evolution favor those females that could choose their mates? And wouldn’t evolution then also favor those males that could thwart that choice? See the text on this blog entry on Selective Mating.

  39. bklynchris says:

    barf just barf aaaack heave barf If a girl duck ever had to lay her eyes on that there would be NO ducks today.

    pornithology heheheHAHAHAHAHA

  40. Jack says:

    I demand a Unicorn Chaser for this post.

    Maybe a baby porcupine chaser?

  41. Anonymous says:

    I shall remember this rule going forward – No more BB over breakfast!

  42. Bitgod says:

    Now I’m trying to decide if I’m going to name the band “Ballistic Penis” or “Convoluted Vagina”. Or are those just AOL passwords?

  43. Daemon says:

    I wonder if you realize that you’ve essentially equated rape with competition.

  44. leavinit says:

    Gives you a new perspective on Howard. He ain’t no rapist, he’s smooth as hell.

  45. pinehead says:

    I find it more interesting to consider the time frame required to achieve this morphology; that’s the product of a million years of rape. Good grief.

    • phisrow says:

      I recommend not reading up on the phrase “traumatic insemination”. There are species out there that make this freaky duck stuff sound like a light romance.

  46. Hanglyman says:

    Where does he store that thing? Are duck genital orifices actually dimensional rifts to some screwed-up tentacle universe?

    • pKp says:

      @45 : oh, thank you for that. As if the video wasn’t enough.

      Hope it’s not sausage for lunch. Or pasta. Or…I don’t think I’ll have lunch, in fact.

      More seriously, this is an interesting question – that think must take a whole lot of space inside Daffy.

  47. Antinous / Moderator says:

    Once you go duck…

  48. Anonymous says:

    Where can I get a high-speed webcam with an artificial hand (with ruler!) mounted on the front? I’ve got some movies to shoot!

  49. aarontheman says:

    Drakes are pigs.

  50. Philbert says:

    If females are winning, why do drakes have these long schlongs? Apparently there is evolutionary benefit for having such a long apparatus.

  51. Ofek Shilon says:

    Strange explanation. There is no evolutional advantage for a female in avoiding rape – on the contrary: if her offspring are ‘rapist ducks’ themselves, their chances of procreation vastly increase.

  52. Actually the evolutionary objective for a female is to procreate with the mate of HER choosing.  You don’t want random babies just to have them, you want the fittest ones possible.  Thus the corkscrew vagina develops.  At least that’s my interpretation.

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