Scientology's faith healers descend on Haiti

A "wealthy donor" paid to send a planeload of Scientology faith-healers to Haiti. These yellow-shirted volunteers are going around, "helping" people by giving them magic Scientology touches. To be fair, the plane also included 50 Haitian-American doctors, and presumably these people don't heal by means of cult nonsense handed down by a lunatic science fiction writer who believed that a galactic space tyrant created humanity by chaining energy beings to a volcano and exploding them with nuclear weapons (this being the bedrock of Scientological theology).

"We're trained as volunteer ministers, we use a process called 'assist' to follow the nervous system to reconnect the main points, to bring back communication," she said.

"When you get a sudden shock to a part of your body the energy gets stuck, so we re-establish communication within the body by touching people through their clothes, and asking people to feel the touch."

Next to her lay 22-year-old student Oscar Elweels, whose father rescued him from the basement of his school where he lay with a pillar on his leg for a day after the deadly January 12 quake.

His right leg was amputated below the knee and his left leg was severely bruised and swollen.

Scientologists 'heal' Haiti quake victims using touch

(Image: Results of my Scientology Personality Test, a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike image from Buster Benson's photostream)

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  1. Oh, barf.

    Scientologists, get your stupid, deluded, cult-wacko asses the FUCK out of Haiti! You’re using up resources that could be used to help people who need it. Unless you don’t eat or shit or drink any water the whole time you’re there…in which case, stay for the rest of your lives, please.

    Does it make me a bad person that the thought of these people being hacked to death with machetes warms my wicked heart? I suppose it does. Mea maxima culpa.

  2. It’s easy to criticize now, but won’t you all feel pretty silly once you’re a free and clear Operational Thetan!

    On, and by the way: Cory: your original post beaches top secret, copyrighted Scientology teaching, and you will be summarily sued for $50 million real soon now.

    Have a nice day! Ron loves you!

  3. Good. Now that people are wising up to how half-baked and dangerous these people are, can we please get Applied Scholastics away from our public school systems, and Narconon away from our addicts-in-treatment?

  4. Only slightly more annoying than the evangelicals sending solar powered bibles to the starving Haitians. At least by physically going there they might have a chance to get free of the little fantasy they’ve constructed for themselves.

  5. Hopefully, the Haitians will Voodoo the fuck out of the Scientologists, thus providing much-needed lulz…

  6. why not name the wealthy donor? He’s on the front page of the NY Times, it’s John Travolta. He’s now made 2 flights in his personal plane, with his wife.

  7. galactic space tyrant created humanity by chaining energy beings to a volcano and exploding them with nuclear weapons

    Spoiler alert, Cory — that tidbit of “knowledge” isn’t made available to scientologists until they’ve taken thousands of dollars of courses. Most other religions are quite upfront about the strangeness of their beliefs and their missionaries literally try to shove copies of their holy book into the hands of passerbys under the impression that they will read it and become converted. In scientology you have to pay thousands to learn their version of the Book of Genesis.

  8. “a galactic space tyrant created humanity by chaining energy beings to a volcano and exploding them with nuclear weapons”

    I suspect that Cory suffers from unaddressed Body Thetansâ„¢.

  9. I’m too lazy to do this, but I suggest someone start a “Save the Thetans” foundation who’s main task is to keep Gerontologists from assaulting this endangered species.

  10. The odd thing is, people find healing and peace in lots of ways. You’re talking about a country that made Voodoo recognized. I’m as much a skeptic as the next guy, but if peeps who are hurting find relief in some “crazy” religion, who the eff am I to protest a planeload of it.

    1. Okay here’s a couple of reasons just off the top of my head to protest a plane load of crazies in Haiti.

      1. The airport and the roads are clogged with real aid workers who don’t need cult loonies in the way.

      2. Uneducated locals who get a mild placebo effect from being touched may not seek real medical attention.

      3. Throwing a few real doctors on their plane doesn’t make up for being opportunistic bastards. If they were serious, they would have sent only actual doctors and left the thetan-wranglers at home.

      I’m sure even an open minded person would agree that a catastrophe is not the time for a money sucking cult to swoop in to spread their “faith.”

  11. In other news, Anonymous has announced that they will be sending 1000 Guy Fawkes face masks and an equal number of broad-brimmed black hats and capes to Haiti …

  12. But you can’t question people’s faith and religion and… oh wait.. YES YOU CAN. Free speech rules!

    BUT.. I would like to see the same attention put on the church ministers who are doing exactly the same thing, channeling their invisible sky friend into Haiti (but as he controls everything that must mean he caused the whole thing anyway, so why they would want to see any more of that bastard is beyond me)

    Scientology is no more crazy than the catholic/lutheran/baptist/adventist/satanist church. Note that I did not state that these other churches are in any way sane..
    An invisible friend which loves us but also has a sadistic streak and enjoys hurting us.. Sounds like a seriously abusive and co-dependent relationship.

  13. “When you get a sudden shock to a part of your body the energy gets stuck, so we re-establish communication within the body by touching people through their clothes, and asking people to feel the touch.”

    I’m so pleased to find out that over a thousand years of accumulated medical knowledge, acquired through hundreds of generations and lifetimes of painstaking work, toil, and sacrifice, can be finally dumped in the trash bin simply by groping and molesting people in just the right way.

  14. The presence of CoS in Haiti can only mean one thing. The Haitians are much wealthier than we are lead to believe. Why would they waste “auditing” on people that can’t afford to be members?

  15. So here’s a question that’s bothering me: Does giving people high hope for healing, only to have them disappointed when it doesn’t work do more harm than good?

    Have there been studies done on the psychological impact of, well, disappointment?

  16. I take exception to Cory’s assertion that L. Ron was a lunatic. He knew exactly what he was doing by inventing his little cult. He was supplementing his income. He right sucked as an author of sci-fi meant for sci-fi readers, but sci-fi aimed at addictive personality disorders…genius!

  17. Aw c’mon Cory, are you really flogging the dead horse of Hubbards creation of Scientology? The CoS ‘theology’ is too wacked out NOT to be made up by a really smart huckster looking to make some filthy lucre off of the non-fandom humans.

  18. Wow, Scientology is really weird. Who/what do they worship anyway? How much have they donated to Haitian relief if any? Surely they realize that the money spent to send 50 doctors and ?# faith healers would have been put to much better use by donating to the Red Cross or similar org. I’m thinking they’re just trying to get media coverage by doing this.

  19. cult nonsense handed down by a lunatic science fiction writer who believed that a galactic space tyrant created humanity by chaining energy beings to a volcano and exploding them with nuclear weapons

    Well, when you put it that way, it just sounds insane! ;-p

    @Tom Hale: I agree that they’re doing it for media coverage. I mean, it’s not as if they’ll be able to swindle much money down there, but it might draw the attention of people in richer places.

  20. Note to self: Never read a serious article about Scientology immediately after reading anything from The Onion. For a second there I forgot that this article wasn’t supposed to be a parody. And the fact that a serious article about Scientology sounds like something from The Onion says a lot about this “religion”.

    But, although I’m certainly no defender of Scientology, I think it may be a bit unfair to attack this cult by ridiculing its foundational mythology. After all, the foundational mythologies behind most of the world’s religions are equally ridiculous if interpreted literally. Perhaps instead of judging religions by their foundational mythologies or their sacred texts we ought to judge them by their practical consequences — i.e. how they affect the lives of real people. (Yes, in case you’re wondering, I am a Pragmatist in the tradition of William James.) If Scientology is bad — if it is, as many believe, a dangerous cult — it’s not because it has weird beliefs; but it’s because it does more harm than good in the real world. I think it’s perfectly fair to criticize Scientology for what it does: trying to get people to reject modern medicine in favor of pseudoscientific cures, ruthlessly attacking its critics, bilking its followers out of their money, allegedly “brainwashing” its followers, trying to trick people into joining via its “personality tests”, etc. This is far worse than any of its nonsense about Xenu and the Volcano or Thetans.

    1. Personally I don’t have a problem with them believing in intergalactic aliens flying DC-10s blowing up volcanos with hydrogen bombs. My problem with them is the behavior exhibited by its members; from the thuggish attacking of people who criticize their “religion” to the treatment of those who try to leave their “religion,” it all screams fraud. Charging thousands upon thousands of dollars to be “audited” of your “thetans” is criminal; treating the poor saps who are deluded into believing this crap like slaves is inhumane. You pick any other religion or cult, they don’t charge you for salvation.

      Hell Hubbard was even lazy about making his mythology, he could have easily made some shit up (why stop at xenu & thetans?!); have the aliens flying “QLJPZ-9501s” and have them blow shit up with “molecular atomizing neutron disintegrators”.

  21. So I take it this is John Travolta, saw him on the news last night in Haiti with his Qantas plane.

    Bad move by Qantas to give him a 707 and make him their “ambassador”.

  22. I take exception to Cory’s assertion that L. Ron was a lunatic. He knew exactly what he was doing by inventing his little cult.

    Actually, I think you’re both right. I think he knew what he was doing at first, but by the end I think he had devolved into madness and believed his own BS, or at least lost the ability to discern what he did and didn’t believe.

  23. When I first read this information in Boing-Boing, my first reaction was “That’s absolutly stupid ! The People of Haiti don’t need that”. But now after some days I think that’s horrible, all the operation of the Scientology is absolutly diabolical, that sect must be stopped. You can’t cure someone with magical touch, but if you do this to thousand of people, you will have inevitably some who will be “cured” just by the effects of pure luck. And some of them will become scientologist. And I’m sure that the leaders of the sect know this trick. Their goal is to convert not to cure.

  24. I knew that, darn! Maybe I’m obsessed by scientology, but one of the first things that came to mind when I got the news about the earthquake was: “let’s see how many people Scientology will send over there to “help” those poor souls”. Bastards!

  25. I can’t believe John Travolta is the donor! Scientology likely had a major role in killing his son by preventing him to take official medications and he still supports those criminals?
    What a nutcase! I never liked him as an actor but watches some of his movies anyway, now I’m going to boycott all his movies from this moment now.

  26. I notice that this one is filed under “diaster.” Got a lot of posts about “diasters,” Cory? ;-)

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