The Union Bank of Switzerland has released a new, 43-page dress-code for employees in four test branches that specifies things like what color underwear you're allowed to wear (underwear that matches your flesh-tones); what kind of tie-knot you're allowed to have (one suited to the "morphology" of your face); prohibitions on new shoes, millimetre-specific fingernail length requirements; and the dictum that any scent must be applied as soon as you leave the shower and no later. The code is meant to help restore confidence in UBS, which was a central player in the reckless, planet-destroying subprime gambling spree. If the code is "successful," all employees will be subjected to it.
"Light makeup consisting of foundation, mascara and discreet lipstick ... will enhance your personality," the code says, while advising women not to wear black nail polish and nail art.
The hair-care section notes studies have shown that properly cared-for hair and a stylish haircut "increase an individual's popularity."
On the other hand, designer stubble is out of the question for men, as is excessive facial hair.UBS's advice for men even extends to underwear, which should be of good quality and easily washable, but still remain undetectable. Black knee-high socks are preferable as they prevent showing bare skin when crossing legs, it says.
: From the comments, SimonBarsinister
Page 43. Code 4763:
Socks will have a single gold threading along the front seam.
Page 43. Code 4764:
Finally, Please refrain from investing in worthless financial instruments, falsifying the credit worthiness of those instruments, burying those worthless instruments in complex derivatives to hide their valueless state, selling those worthless instruments to other institutions and government entities, and maneuvering government entities into absorbing the cost of these worthless financial instruments.
Codes 1-4763 are mandatory and must be obeyed at all times as a condition of employment at UBS. Code 4764 is optional but recommended.
Dress to Impress, UBS Tells Staff
(via Lowering the Bar)
Update: According to The Verge, Facebook has verified the authenticity of the screenshot below. In what appears to be an internal Facebook post, Zuckerberg defends his company’s ongoing association with Peter Thiel — Facebook investor/board member and major donor to white-supremacist/pro-rape presidential candidate Donald Trump.
The UK government says it wants to stop people under 18 from looking at pornography, and so it’s going to make all the porn sites operating in Britain collect some kind of age-verification in order to make this happen, on pain of being blocked by the UK’s Great Firewall.
Despite the denials of its new CEO, Wells Fargo had a serious, widespread cultural problem that led it to commit at least 2,000,000 financial crimes. But the crimes and the culture are widespread across America’s banks, and they spread further than that, because the system is rigged to reward financial crime.
This Python Mega Course will help you learn to code by teaching you to build 10 real-world apps that each highlight a unique use of Python.Job prospects for coders are still growing steadily—and with Python being one of the most popular coding languages out there today, it’s important for job seekers to demonstrate a widespread understanding of the […]
The Atmos R2 may be bigger than the brand’s previously-released vapes, but we argue that in this case it’s definitely a good thing. A bigger heating chamber means more room for packing it full. And the bigger battery means longer, more fulfilling vape sessions. In fact, you can use the Atmos R2 for up to about 25 […]
These days, there is huge demand for ethical hackers. Companies pay these professionals to identify and remedy security holes in their networks before malicious hackers find and exploit them. What’s great about this is that if you love hacking or think you may love hacking, you can do it for a living and not as […]