Outside Lands 2011: Write a limerick, win tickets!

UPDATE: The contest is over. Congrats to the winners!

My favorite San Francisco summer music festival, Outside Lands, is just around the corner! On August 12 to 14, a stellar lineup of more than 60 bands will descend upon Golden Gate Park, including the likes of MGMT, The Shins, New Orleans Klezmer Allstars, The Black Keys, The Roots, Phish, The Greyboy Allstars, OK Go, Vetiver, Arcade Fire, The Decemberists, Erykah Badu, I could go on and on. And on. Wanna go? Our pals at Outside Lands have gifted us with two pairs of 3-day tickets to give away to some witty BB readers. This shall be a contest of words! Your challenge is to come up with a limerick (5 lines, "aabba" rhyming scheme) about why you want to go to the festival. Post your limerick in the comments below before noon PT tomorrow, Wednesday, August 3. We'll pick our two favorites and announce the winners on Friday, August 5! For inspiration:

The limerick* packs laughs anatomical

In space that is quite economical,

    But the good ones I've seen

    So seldom are clean,

And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

*(pronounced "lim'rick" to preserve meter)

Outside Lands

• [davidlaietta]

  This festival is pretty much badass,
  I feel comfortable in saying without class.
  I’d terrorize Outside Lands
  By harassing all of the bands
  And get kicked out for all of my sass.

• [beemoh]

  This event I may not attend
  To do so I will not pretend.
  I live too far away
  to be there that day
  I hope that this does not offend.

• [Scurra]

  Alas, living in London, and so
  I’m completely unable to go.
  I will fill out my time
  Writing nonsense in rhyme
  or stalking Cory Doctorow.

  (Gah.  Stress ends up in the wrong place.  Hey ho.)

• [KerryG]

  Sitting outside and I’m roaring,
  That our life right now is too boring.
  If you pay for our passage,
  Including my assage,
  then my husband can come along touring.

• [underdog]

  I live right down the street from the fest
  Which is full of some of music’s best
  But with my budget tighter than a duck’s ass
  My only hope is to get a free pass
  I’ll quack as loud as I need for this quest!

• [Thomas]

  Whimsy and fervor have won,

  People no longer give politics respect
  for being “done,”

  Santorm around a Weiner is not a
  rhetorical cock,

  The media has pulled a Murdoch,

  I’m buying gold and hiding alone, cause
  the NRA gave me a gun.

• [jonnyonthespots]

  There’s an old band I love with a song they call Stash, 
  There’s a new band,the tUne-YaRds, that sound like a bash,
  I hear the food and the beer is notch of the top,They got bluegrass,the blues, Dj’s and hip hop,And if I don’t win, I’m out on my ass, for I’m unemployed and I don’t have the cash.

• [Trevor (KVB)]

  As a fan of all sixty-odd bands,
  I’ve begun to make outlandish plans.
  Twenty-three hundred clicks,
  For two Canadian hicks,
  From lands outside to Outside Lands!

• [calum mckinney]

  So far these limericks are Sh*tty
  Not one has a man from (pick city)
  But why do I care?
  For I cannot go there
  And it looks like the bands were picked by committee

• [Christine Breen]

  I’ve never been to San Francisco
  Though I’ve always wanted to go
  Outside Lands
  Sounds Grands
  And I wish I could go!

• [Eric Lamothe]

  The sunshine is always a question mark
  In August in famous Golden Gate Park
  but I’ll say my prayers
  and I’ll dress in layers
  Cuz it gets even colder after dark

• [elnots]

  The boss tried to keep me from going

  I said “Stuff it, I’ll still go with you knowing!”

  But then he got really mean
  cause I made a big scene,

  Now I really  hope San Fran’s employing

• [marvmartian]

  The thighs of the Lady Mountbatten
  Alarmingly started to fatten.
  “To spread them aside,
  Even with her legs wide,
  Was challenging,” quoth General Patton.

• [KerryG]

  Oh, poor mean, aulde Calum McKinney,
  who’s peeved that his limerick won’t win he
  a trip to the coast–
  music, sun and a toast
  to great bands and hot chics in bikinis

  • [Calum McKinney]

    Alas KerryG you are right
    I will not get to see that fair sight
    I’ll be trav’ling through Bangor
    So I typed quick in anger
    Without a dog in the fight

• [Brian Carp]

  In the city that raised Lennie Briscoe,
  We favor our rock to our disco.
    But I’d fly from New York,
    With a bot-printed spork,
  If you’re willing to treat me in Frisco!

• [Jason Peevyhouse]

  Five years our love has had to grow,
  Our three year old now rules the show.
  But tickets in hand,
  To Outside Lands,
  Will light the fire we knew aglow.

• [Sarah Fox]

  To Outside Lands, I’d love to go prancing
  Killer bands! Irresistible dancing!
  Due to harsh budget cuts,
  had to pass, like a putz…
  but my tickets you might be financing?

  Please pick me, David! :)

• [Thomas]

  stash
  cash
  fun
  none
  whiplash

• [Thomas]

  A plump Jack asked for the hand of a
  Mary in Fidel’s public house gastro,

  The camp territory colors flourished
  throughout Castro,

  Gavin gave praise but was sent on his
  way,

  As Ernesto and Sylvia agreed that
  liberty was key on this auspicious day,

  Ted’s acrimony interrupted the rite and
  foreshadowed a vigorless femme maestro.

• [pencilbox]

  Though my current conditions are scary
  Outside Lands has the bands to make merry
  There’s lulz there, I know
  (The Roots AND Ok Go?!)
  Send me please, yours in steez, -Topiary

• [Thomas]

  Meter be damned,
  I’d rather be devilishly hammed,
  With Lucifer’s prick, 
  He’s a mellifluous dick,
  Those speakers spoke discharging me jammed.

• [daemonsquire]

  I’m so gung-ho for Outside Lands,
  At bad lim’ricks, sure, I’ll try my hand(s):
  While, true, I desire
  To see Arcade Fire
  I know I’ll dig earlier bands.

• [BestestWine]

  From the first time I did gaze her,
  my wit’s become a dull razor.
  Without cunning and ribald plans,
  my dear shall not see Outside Lands
  and get down with Major Lazer.

• [daemonsquire]

  Congressional deals about debt,
  Have no bearing on the fact that,
  Despite my low income,
  I’m jonesing to see some
  Hot bands in the park–for free yet!

• [Thomas]

  Relative
  to the entries allocation,

  Will
  probably end in some form of masturbation,

  Be
  it her hand or mine,

  I’ll
  cum just fine,

  Tickets
  or not determine, my level of pussy assisted gratification.

• [Dewey Decibel]

  For a kid from the home of Mark Mothersbaugh,
  Outside Lands pulls me west like no other’s draw.
  Having lost the Black Keys,
  these exorbitant fees
  make me covet the shows that my brothers saw.

• [jake kurtzer]

  im sitting in northern Somalia
  wondering why I was both’rin to follow ya
  when you said tickets for free
  now im typing with glee
   hoping to dance and be a bit more jolly’a

• [Matthew Brooks]

  hear ye now the seeds I be sewing
  to goldengate park for a show I be going
  Perhaps a fine lass
  with cut diamond ass
  With leprechauns luck ill boing boing

• [Thomas]

  eminem won’t be there
  his raps suck
  he punched vince…… no marky mark….. no adrien….. no mark… concussions aren’t fun
  Tupac is in Lesotho eating at Nando’s

• [Margaret Le]

  Off to the park, a boy, a girl, a dog, maunder
  findin’ a spot of grass, listenin’ to tunes, they ponder
  ‘How in the world could we get so lucky?
  To win such a prize with a limerick so sucky.’
  Ahh, sharing good times at Outside Lands, they could not be fonder.

• [daemonsquire]

  Does a rule forbid multiple entry
  (To the contest, not past the fest’s sentry)?
  For the limerick muse
  Has me over-enthused
  To access such musical gentry!

• [Marktech]

  Professional commitments would prevent me getting there in any case, so what the hell:

  I’m currently on my third festival
  Of this year’s period estival:
  But it is my profession -
  In the present recession,
  Being paid to be there would be bestival!

• [Michael Senkow]

  I want these great tickets to ‘Outside Lands’,
  I’ve got a gun, so you better stick up your hands!
  Just pretend that they’re free,
  For this is a robbery!
  On the floor!  Or your life will soon will be more sans!

• [joshuack]

  I once was a boy from So Cal
  Who moved to SF for a gal
  We’d both love to dance
  At the Outside Lands
  But can’t find a sitter, Oh Well.

• [whowantstoast]

  I think Cory is hotter than Xeni
  and syllables? Mark’s got too many!
  I’d suck up for tickets
  with rhymes for Pescovitz
  but I really don’t think there are any.

  • [daemonsquire]

    There once was a man, name of Pescovitz,
    Holding tickets for shows I would love to gets.
    If I can’t cool the fire
    That drives my desire,
    I may have to treat myself to a sitz.

• [daemonsquire]

  I’ll spend the night dreaming up lulz
  So come morning, the funny just rolls:
  Ba-da-DUM, ba-da-DUM
  Clever punchline to come,
  Give me an Outside Lands pass, PLZ!?!

• [Chris Mindel]

  Once upon a time
  A thief stole a rhyme.
  I was supposed to appear
  At the end of this here
  Poem, but it didn’t. 

• [ronny hernandez]

  i’m here in l.a.where its sticky as…
  fuck i’d rather be in sf where its colder than…
  hell has frozen over if i just cant go…
  so hook it up with tickets 
  cause i’ve just got to see the show

• [jake kurtzer]

  Id happily fly to the bay
  to see big boi, but why no andre?
  ill take klezmer its true
  over the great Ms Badu
  but Latyryx will for sure make my day

• [Tom]

  If bad poetry is what ye be seekin’
  Then howdy you sent out a beacon
  To butchers and hacks,
  How they alls try to packs,
  The most silly words into a limerick ignoring meter or stressed syllables just trying to get five lines crammed into the rhyming scheme so they don’t have to by a ticket to the show this weeken’

• [cjhowareya]

  If Lyrics Born here are true
  Volunteers of Amerykah (Badu?)
  Got a revolution to start
  And Golden Gate Park
  Is a much better choice than Beirut.

• [Catherine Graybill]

  From Nevada I come
  If I won I would be numb
  The Art would make me soar 
  But at Outside Lands you get more
  More cultured I shall become

• [cjhowareya]

  With pain, my summer is rife.
  My Quest for Love is but strife.
  So close to despair…
  Wait… a concert! Fresh air!
  Perhaps The Shins might change my life.

• [Herbert]

  There once was a man from the ‘Frisco
  He always enjoyed a good disco
  And when one was outdoors
  He enjoyed it much more
  Though not disco, he would enjoy this though!

  (Poetic license taken to use the horrible “Frisco” abbreviation)

• [nwfletch]

  BoingBoing you tease me a lot,
  for surely this is but a plot.
  I just want to go,
  to this awesome show,
  for a time that won’t be forgot!
   

• [cjhowareya]

  OutsideLands, you wonderful beast!
  Each year, a musical feast!
  A balding Mick Jones
  Would delight my old bones,
  As would beats by Zigaboo Modaliste.

• [Michael Zhao]

  For four years I’ve promised I would,
  Save up for this show like I should.
  For live music I lust,
  But my credit is bust.
  Better hope that this limerick is good.

• [Jesse Nelson]

  There once was a concert near the Bay
  Where it matters not if one is gay
  Seeing phish in Golden Gate Park
  Would surely be quite a lark
  It’s just a shame that I’m too broke to pay.

• [daemonsquire]

  A young man in the town of St. Francis
  Spends his days cooking up wacky dances
  That he YouTubes and tweets about,
  Flailing his feets about,
  Hoping they’ll win him some chances

  To score with a young lass of Frisco.
  His lot may improve if he’d just go
  Write poems to win passes
  (Meanwhile, take dance classes)
  And if the poems win, she’s his–presto!

• [Stefan Schwartz]

  A festival of music sweet as honey
  In a city that may or may not be sunny
  Though it may be expensive
  With bands so extensive
  You cannot help but save money

• [Stefan Schwartz]

  Is there a rule about more than one?
  I don’t care; it’s already done
  My friends are all going
  My cash is not flowing
  So please help me have some fun.

• [Gina B]

  I prefer the Suburbs of Arcade Fire
  so I can dance to Deadmau5 and perspire
  to be in Golden Gate Park
  from noon until dark
  is something to which I aspire.

• [Lisa Goldberg]

  phish has made lots of songs
  most of them are real long
  i hope i don’t win this contest
  for seeing them live, i doth protest
  hippie love has made me a sadist

• [John Ryan]

  A joy most formidable it would give
  To see the arcades on fire where you live,
  While girls talk of lotus
  Grey boys just want notice
  From little dragons that they can forgive…

  tacky end rhyme but it works for me…

• [Hyata]

  I want to see MGMT!
  Please donate one ticket to me!
  These tickets are gold,
  And the park will be cold,
  But that’s San Francisco for ye!

• [Avi Hoffman]

  With that line-up I’d have a sweet day,
  so i stole a sure winner from Mae.
  If the rights holder sues,
  then I’m feeling the blues
  ’cause I’m f*cked by the DMCA.

• [Robert Baruch]

  There once was a man from ‘Frisco,
  who grew up listening to disco.
    He needs to hear bands,
    that are at Outside Lands,
  so he doesn’t become That Old Weirdo.

• [Brandon Specktor]

  Reverend’s Sermon, 2010

  Drink up and I’ll paint you a scene
  Of a love that was lost at Al Green
  I admired her sweater
  During “Let’s Stay Together”
  Til she said “Find me on 8/14.”

• [Max Genecov]

  Festivals are havens of sweat
  So I learned after going to a set
  To see men so lean
  With movements obscene 
  All slip off the stage so wet.

• [David Pescovitz]

  Wow, competition is FIERCE! I decided we’ll announce the winners on Friday to give folks a chance to plan!

• [meelar2]

  I sure do dig me some Josh Ritter
  His music and also his Twitter
  But I ain’t got the scratch
  to rent a grass patch
  at Outside Lands, and I’m bitter

• [Adell Artemis]

  the purpose of my request
  that I might win your bequest
  it remains to be seen
  if boing boingers deem
  me more lyrical than the rest

• [lucycarin]

  This Texas gal has class.
  But she doesn’t have the cash
  To gather fond memories
  So here I am sending these
  Pleas for da tickets, you guys

• [Ryan Rogge]

  Sleeping around to fill up my purse,

  Rolling around in beds so perverse.

     If I had known all this time,

     It would come down to rhyme,

  This word gigolo would have pumped up his verse.

• [Courtney Starr]

  Dear God, let me see the Keys!
  I promise to do as you please!!
  If you’ll let me see Muse
  I promise to lose
  The F-bomb just to appease!  

• [Catherine Graybill]

  I could go with my best friend
  The meaning of this to me no one could comprehend
  I need the shins
  We would watch with great big grins
  This is not a pretend

• [daemonsquire]

  My afternoons often are ghastly,
  Thanks to earworms that love to harass me.
  But today, on a kick
  To concoct limericks,
  I’ve forgotten that tune by Rick Astley!

• [T Wilkinson]

  Not under a ceiling but out in the air,
  Drum beating heart with sound blowing hair,
  A harmonic opportunity called Outside Lands,
  A poetic chance-a few words for my favorite bands,
  Have I said enough and is this a rhyme you deem fair?

• [daemonsquire]

  There once was a band called Starfuckers,
  Some noisy Italian tune-shuckers.
  Now, some kids from Portland
  Called Strfkr portend
  Disemvowelling is not just for suckers.

• [Calum McKinney]

  The first limerick I wrote was rude
  And I came off sounding the prude
  I tried to delete it
  but the mods woudnt unseat it
  and my chances of going are screwed

• [Calum McKinney]

  Oh noble canucks: I didn’t see it!
  (The wonderful limerick you’d writ)
  Your admirable lines
  Had quite touching rhymes
  So my best wishes I hereby transmit!

• [Joseph Walker]

  I long for a land of aural elation,
  Where Hipsters do roam in true dedication
  A weekend of vice,
  With music so nice,
  to subdue this unending fixation

• [bootsiclejay]

  So all these guys think they’re real funny
  But we’re the ones without the money
  Please send us free tickets
  Not those other dick-wits
  Two tickets are better than none…y.

• [Jeremy Slome]

  Outside Lands is always a best bet.
  A festival I’ll never forget.
  But if by writing a limerick
  I can win myself a ticket,
  Please help me BoingBoing.Net.

• [nomilovey]

  Give me those tickets, you monkey!
  I wanna get groovin’ and funky!
  Do as I say
  ‘Cause I can not pay
  And I’M a true music junky

• [Catherine Hong Le]

  CLAP YOUR HANDS SAY YEAH!
  For the best concert on the BEST COAST !!!

   There is no JOY more FORMIDABLE than to be so far fORGONE
  & engrossed

  In pure GROUPLOVE to BERUITing
  for our musical MUSES, whom I’ve yet

  To experience other than
  in pale mp3 PHANTAGRAMS from the Internet.

  Thus, I’d be COSMICally SUCKERPUNCHED
  to be the winning post!

• [Marc ‘Zeke’ Kossover]

  My flat in the Sunset can seem dowdy.
  It’s hard to be hip where it’s so cloudy.
  Though I hear the bands
  from the Outside Lands
  Let me join them so I can be rowdy!

• [Joaquin Velasco]

  I love this big, bad, music thing extreamly mucho
  gotta keep my feet moVin when i hear that funky beat go
  Smile on my face as the radness emits
  Although the eye contact is made i cant stop staring at her lips
  its about time to get frisky in the city known as frisco

• [daemonsquire]

  In poems, I my longings address.
  My finance is under duress.
  Lazy days in the park,
  Groovy tunes, what a lark!
  ‘Twould surely diminish my stress.

• [daemonsquire]

  These lim’ricks, unfailingly clean,
  Could do with a dose of obscene.
  Would it serve me best
  In my quest for the fest,
  To speak lewdly of schtupping the queen?

• [Jenny]

  I tried to enjoy Arcade Fire at Coachella,
  But could not see, for I was blocked by the hairy back of some sweaty fella,
  A chance to redeem
  Myself from that situation obscene
  Would have me and a friend feeling pretty stella!

• [Tanya]

  Oh vast Outside Lands, where to begin?
  The Roots, Beirut, or maybe The Shins?
  To see The Black Keys, 
  and Arctic Monkeys.
  My tickets please, so I can get in.

• [Paweł Szymczykowski]

  there once was a musical show
  to which a young vegas lad yearned to go.

  he wrote a poor rhyme to win free ticket,
  then put it where the editors told him to stick it;

  misreading the word ‘comments’ for ‘hole’.

• [Kevin Stetz]

  John Fogerty’s playing with Phish

  So some stoners are getting their wish.

  To hear Creedence at Night

  under towering lights

  And two sets of Phish is bliss.

• [Leta Ward]

  Granny in SF from Nantucket
  last item on the list labeled “bucket”
  is a roll in the dunes 
  to the beat of live tunes
  with a bloke half her age, she’ll say “fuck it!”

• [Jon Quok]

  Was it by fate or design?
  surely, it must be a sign
  that the tone of my poo,
  reaked of Badu,
  I think that those tickets are mine.

• [arrca]

  Excuse, please this brief interruption,
  This contest just reeks of corruption.
  But I’ll enter, that’s clear
  Then crack open a beer,
  and pray as I leave with abruption.

• [swwdubs]

  Oh my, their tune hit the spot,
  Excited with milk my boobs shot.
  I’ll lactate to The Shins,
  if tickets i win
  and to boingboing I’ll say, “Thanks a lot.”

• [eightbalI]

  For this historic music convention
  I HAVE COME FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION!
    Don’t call that a lie,
    Since it’s short-form Sci-Fi,
  Written quickly to grab your attention!

• [sp4nishlab]

  There once was a man on his knees,
  Pulling tricks just to see The Black Keys.
  But when told of this contest,
  Elation expressed!
  He finished his last job with a squeeze.

• [danno]

  blue bottle coffee ain’t cheap
  and my fixie conversion was steep
  in need of cash plans
  i sold my ray-bans
  forget it, this concert’s for sheep

• [jackietan3]

  there once was a lady named jackie.
  who always woke up feeling a little tacky.
  she wanted to go outside lands.
  because of the sick bands.
  but then she got attacked by an iraqi.

• [Andrew Kaplan]

  I hear Zach Condon and his friends will appear,
  Accordion, violin, and horn so clear,
  Their music is a hoot,
  Let’s hear it for Beirut!
  Please send me plus one to Outside Lands this year!

• [Elle Zhu]

  There’s a Girl who dreamed of the Outside Lands,
  Of sweat and songs that rise from the stands,
       In her mind it’s divine,
       She’s there on cloud nine,
  Sharing a moment with her beloved bands.

• [Courtney Vaughn]

  While whipping my hair to the Shins
  bystanders will all wear large grins,
  but their smiles may turn
  as soon as they learn,
  I’m frolicking in my bare skin.

• [daemonsquire]

  This one may work best with a picture of a dancing cat.

  WUNS WUZ A MAN FRUM NANTUKKIT
  O.L.S.F. TIX IN HIZ BUKKIT
  “I CAN HAZ DEM, PLZ,
  N BRGRS WIF CHZ?”
  I AX, HIM SED NO, I JUS TUKKIT

• [danmcjunk]

  Golden Gate Park is amazing
  I’ve spent many an hour there lazing
  To see all the bands
  Who rock Outside Lands
  Would be Hell-raising, if you like my phrasing

• [magscanner]

  If I had those tickets to Outside Lands,
  I’d rearrange all of my weekend plans.
  You know I won’t grovel,
  But I’d gladly trovel
  To Golden Gate Park in Francisco Sans.

• [mandelben]

  I just earned me a bachelor’s degree, and then moved to the Bay by the sea. Now I find that I’m broke – and my learning’s a joke – so I’ll take anything I can free. 
  And a chance just to see those folks play? That would make any poor mutant’s day. So I’m letting you know that I do want to go (more than Cory hates DMCA).
  There are Phish and Stone Foxes and Mi5e; “Are they furries?” I ask, thinking twice. But dear Xeni’s cat gifs have awakened my yiffs, so I shrug, nonchalant, “could be nice.”

  Oh can’t I attend Outside Lands? 
  I’ve already made costume plans:
  Wearing only pop tarts
  I’ll spew rainbow farts,
  and spend all three days singing Nyans!

  (If nothing else, pity my plight: I lost my left arm in a fight. If my buddy and I could catch tunes ‘neath the sky, why, I’m sure I’d soon feel *all right.*)

  • [daemonsquire]

    I must bow to your consummate skill,
    mandelben, all your limericks kill!
    Such clever references!
    You swung for the fence!
    Await judgement, tail ‘tween legs, I will.

• [mandelben]

  To David and whomever else it might concern:

  When you’re judging these poems, be tough.
  Pretty please don’t condone syntax rough.
  For the most heinous crime:
  (Here I mean slipshod rhyme)
  You cannot let a single one through.

• [Mark Butterfield]

  Ah my friends I would sure love to see
  All those bands that are favorites to me -
  Erykah and The Shins
  Fogerty and The Finns:
  Oh Boing Boing help me strongly shout Whee!

• [Mark Butterfield]

  Outside Lands and the bands they have beckoned
  But my finances could not have reckoned
  On bank accounts flat - 
  A circumstance that
  Stopped my glorious plans in a second.

• [Richard Cambier]

  Sit for a spell and consider my plight.

  Been dreaming of a girl all day, all night.

  First tickets to impress.

  And then we’ll undress!

  And escape in music, laughter and light.

• [mindscape]

  there’s a land outside that is golden,

  free from worry, debt and all I’m beholden

  to the park I shall go,

  Arcadian Fires will blow,

  I’ll Muse and Phish, my spirit emboldened

  sorry for not being funny,
  i’m broke, ugly and my nose is runny
  short and bald too
  what would you do?
  for such sweet music, somewhere sunny…

• [Macaen Mahoney]

  After three months of not getting laid,
  And no job from which I can get paid,
  Your contest gives hope,
  Of a chance to elope,
  While pretending that I have it made.

• [Selina]

  Being penniless is my greatest fear
  As the date of this festie draws near…
  Oh no Outside Lands
  You’re not part of my plans!
  This is NOT “Music to my ears.”

• [jathomso]

  Gone Phishing to Outside Lands

  With Deadmau5 & Lotus

  Catching Little Dragon and Arctic Monkeys

  Cooking those Big Boi Shins

  Over Wye Oak and the Arcade Fire

• [mquok]

  To Outside Lands I would love to go,
  For I am one who enjoys a show.
  Yet I’m not willing to go through trash,
  collecting cans to earn enough cash,
  but I will rhyme for stage lights aglow!

• [ledjamhead]

  My girl had an idea, so to O’Lands we could go
  But insisted quite strictly the plans were ‘need-to-know’ 
     “Find Benny,” she said. “Ask him for tix.”
      Benny was big, he made me turn tricks
  Thanks Boing Boing, but where the f*ck were you a week ago!