Neutrino jokes

One of many highlarious jokes making the rounds about those crazy neutrinos traveling faster than light. (Thanks, Ariel Waldman!)


  1. There is no way to verify that I wasn’t laughing before I read these and am still not, but you took my word for it a moment ago.

  2. Note, the speed of light in a vacuum is a constant. Neutrinos may be slower than photons in some medium in an experiment without invalidating this rule. DIsclaimer: IANAPhysicist.

      1. I actually *read* the article on arxiv.  It’s basically 24 pages of they’ve checked all the obvious stuff.  My personal bet is that there’s some mascon in northern Italy with a gravitational effect that’s influenced the geodesic path to the tune of 60cm.

        Whatever it is, it’s probably *not* actual transluminal neutrinos – but it *will* be something  strange and unusual that we’ll learn from.

        1. You remember that woman in the Boston Marathon who came in first place because she rode the subway part of the way? I bet this will be like that.

  3. If CERN had *actually* found a particle that travels faster than light,
    you know that someone else would eventually have found it first…

  4. This one dates at least to the 1950s if not earlier:

    There was a young lady named Bright
    Who could travel much quicker than light
    She vanished one day, in a relative way
    And returned on the preceding night.


    — James Ph .Kotsybar

    The young lady known simply as Bright,
    who could travel at speeds fast as light,
    said, “While I’m never late,
    I’m concerned that my weight
    goes to infinite mass, though I’m slight.”

    1. I am sure there must be a way to work in “so small it usually passes through matter with out touching it”…. I couldn’t figure out something elegant. But hey – I’m drinking so…

      1. Well, that’s kind of what “weakly interacting” means ;)

        Here’s the joke for people who can’t be bothered clicking the link.

        I call my penis the neutrino. Because it’s low in mass, weakly interacting, and comes faster than light.

  6. When the neutrino heard the news that scientists discovered faster-than-light neutrinos, he was beside himself.

  7. Heard this one earlier today;

    If CERN have *actually* found a particle that travels faster than light,
    I’m sure someone else would have eventually found it first.

  8. The funniest was said by Italian Minister of Education in her press release:

    “Italy is proud to for contributing to the construction of the tunnel between CERN and Gran Sasso”
    (sorry for poor translation)
    I.E. She believes that there a tunnel in which neutrinos flow!

    She is Minister of Education from the same country that gave world Archimede, Galileo, Fermi, Majorana, etc. Funny, isn’t it?

    1. Given that Italy is currently prosecuting some scientists for failing to predict an earthquake, I’d say that it’s more tragic.

      1. I know, I’m Italian. I was trying to be sarcastic, but I failed…

        By the way, in the article there is a very interesting part on how they take into account continental drift, and how that earthquake affected the measured distance.

  9. OK… So smoke pouring out of my ears now… If you think about it, the neutrino just traveled forward in time when it went into the bar. Ouch.

    We know that you cant travel back in time as they would have already done so.

    But that logic doesn’t protect us from the concept of being able to go forward in time. 

    I am sure that the results are probably flawed and will be proved incorrect, but until then we can think crazy thoughts about a universe in which the mighty photon runs in second place. 

    My fragile grasp on these things has never amounted to much, but I am completely stumped now and its going to be interesting to see where this goes.

  10. Two faster than light neutrinos walk into a bar and order a couple of drinks. Sorry, says the bartender, we don’t serve lights beer.

  11. “Because a tachyon moves faster than light, we cannot see it approaching.
    After a tachyon has passed nearby, we would be able to see two images
    of it, appearing and departing in opposite directions.” – That really makes those jokes kinda hard to tell.

  12. Two carabinieri were on the highway on Gran Sasso when they see two neutrinos speeding by. The one carabinieri yells: “Hey those guys are going too fast!” His partner retorts: “No shit Einstein.”

  13. some people will twist this to say that the entire relativity thing is invalid. The same type of people who said that newton’s laws of motion were now invalid when einstein’s calculations regarding the orbital precession of mercury were confirmed

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