Butt biometrics

Last year, I posted about a new technology to identify individuals based on the pressure signature of their feet on the ground. Now, Japanese scientists at the Advanced Institute of Industrial Technology built a system that can identify an individual by the pressure signature of his or her ass. They're not, er, resting on their laurels though. There's work to be done! "The recognition tends to be compromised by different clothes," Dr. Shigeomi Koshimizu told the AFP. "Sensors read different signals from a pair of trousers and a pair of jeans."

"Bum's the word in Japan security scans"

(image from the Colorectal Cancer Association of Canada's "Get Your Butt Seen" site)

• [Zacqary Adam Green]

  “The recognition tends to be compromised by different clothes,”

  Well, it’s not like we don’t have to take off our pants for security already.

• [awjt]

  East Germany did this in meatspace with jars of ass scent captured in a cloth sat on by nervous people they interrogated. Watch “The Lives of Others.”

• [aynrandspenismighty]

  I like these, I cannot lie.

  • [kP]

    Just wait for the American version

    • [history]

      Will that be in widescreen?

• [semiotix]

  I don’t think we’ve even scratched the surface of biometrics.

  “Researchers at the Institute for Advanced Kinesiology have unveiled a new technology that identifies individuals based on distinctive patterns in their sensual massage techniques. As little as thirty seconds of erotic, enticing massage performed on a sensor-loaded mannequin provides enough data for a 99.4%-certain match, they reported. Even if the subject attempts to alter his or her pleasure-stroking to fool the computer, the sophisticated 68-part sensuality matrix is robust enough to correct for the deception.”

• [kP]

  Worst. Game. of Battleship. Ever.

• [Snig]

  Christ, what are the coordinates for an asshole? 

• [Jonathan Overturf]

  Have numbers 3, 5, 7, and 10 washed and brought to me. I will be in my bunk.

• [quickbrownfox]

  Your summary suggests that you think “laurels” means buttocks. It doesn’t. Wreaths made from the leaves of laurel trees were once awarded to athletes. To “rest on one’s laurels” thus means “to stop competing and bask in the glow of past successes.” See Bryan A. Garner, Garner’s Modern American Usage 714 (Oxford 2009).

  • [Antinous / Moderator]

    While you’re doing language research, you might want to check out ‘word play’ and ‘figure of speech’.

    • [quickbrownfox]

      I get that it was an attempt at word play; I just think the attempt was unsuccessful because David seemed to think that laurels meant ass. Apologies if I misunderstood. The joke didn’t make much sense to me otherwise.

• [V]

  all i can think of is the miscellaneous body-part scanner in Monsters vs Aliens

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SfqWGmRffM

• [Ant]

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