Chris Christie's got a new memoir, "Let Me Finish," and Matt Taibbi (previously), Rolling Stone's most incandescent and relentless writer, has done us all the mercy of reading Christie so we don't have to.
As Taibbi describes it, Christie's lack of self-awareness has led him to publish a book where he tries to come off as a tough guy, but ends up revealed as a spineless chump whose greed and cupidity made him the perfect patsy for a series of sadistic head-games played by Trump that are so egregious and merciless that they almost make you forget that the victim was Chris Christie, a corrupt thug who deserves no mercy whatsoever.
Taibbi calls this book "a furious allegory about the perils of not being as smart as you think you are," and it's a great example of a burgeoning genre of memoirs, leaks, and tell-alls that reveal that there is an elite out there that has amassed vast fortunes and high office simply by being colossal assholes with a howling void where their conscience should be, but who were once revered as brilliant 11-dimensional chess players (insert parade of Trumpian self-dealers who have pled guilty or been convicted since 2016 here).
Christie doesn't bother to explain why he didn't get the Attorney General job. He does go on to tell an even more humiliating story.
Trump, he writes, called after Election Day and said, "Are you willing to be chairman of the RNC?" This was after both Kushner and Bannon had told him conservative mega-patron Rebekah Mercer supposedly wanted him for the job. Christie, for the millionth time, jumps at a Trump offer, explaining that he'd love to run the RNC, so long as the Republican Party changes a restriction preventing him from collecting his gubernatorial salary.
"I love the idea," he claims Trump said. "Let me get back to you."
Trump schedules a meeting at Trump Tower for 3:45 p.m the following Wednesday to seal the deal. Christie shows up, but is told Trump is "running late" and asked to wait until 4:30. When 4:30 comes, he's told Trump is "tied up," and would he speak to Reince Priebus instead?
Mouth still firmly on the hook, Christie meets with Priebus, who of course tells him there's no RNC job because Trump gave it to someone else (Mitt Romney's niece Ronna McDaniel). While Christie throws a fit, Priebus in rapid succession tells him Trump has authorized him to offer him other positions.
Did Christie want to be Secretary of Labor? No? How about the head of Homeland Security? No? Would he take an ambassadorship to Italy? No? How about Vatican City?
It's only at this point that Christie realizes he's been had, and he trudges upstairs to "say goodbye" to Trump. The latter of course pretends not to know what the problem is and asks Christie to "come back here tomorrow."
Chris Christie's Agonizing New Memoir [Matt Taibbi/Rolling Stone]
(Image: Michael Vadon, CC-BY-SA)