Disney's rules for theme park influencers are hilariously ridiculous

I'm not a Disney theme park influencer who receives benefits or freebies from the Disney company, so I didn't receive their new rules outlining the "Brand Guidelines for Influencers" that all their content "must" adhere to. But I did get my hands on a copy of the rules, and they are pretty hilariously impossible to abide by. The Disney theme parks themselves break the rules spectacularly and famously.

In fact, abiding by the rules would pretty much exclude influencers from ever showing, talking about, or referring to one of Disney's most iconic rides, "Pirates of the Caribbean," because it breaks just about all of Disney's rules for influencers.

The rules state that content from these Brand Influencers "may NOT include or mention" certain things, including:

⚫️ Tobacco or alcohol. Well, for six months of the year, the EPCOT theme park features a "Food and Wine Festival," so an influencer couldn't mention the name of this prominent aspect of the park, let alone describe or show any of the premium wine and other elaborate alcoholic offerings ubiquitous throughout the park.

And of course there are not only alcohol-serving restaurants and bars throughout their parks worldwide, alcohol and tobacco consumption are depicted on many rides, from the aforementioned pirates, to the pipe held by the animatronic host John in "The Carousel of Progress."

The videos of one of my favorite theme park influencers, the vlogger Mr. Morrow, who meticulously and enthusiastically shows his alcoholic drink choices and consumption, would probably have to be cut by one third.

⚫️ Guns or ammunition. Where to start? Pirates, of course, who brandish and shoot guns throughout their ride, a ride that actually puts guests in the middle of a cannonball battle. But there's simulated gunplay throughout the parks, including at the "Frontierland Shootin' Arcade," which actually puts a "replica .54 caliber Hawkins buffalo rifle" in the hands of children.

⚫️ Violence, fighting, or war. The biggest recent investment the Disney company has made in their theme parks has been the $2 billion it spent creating new areas that are named for a movie franchise that has the word "war" right in its name: Star Wars. These are huge "lands" devoted to immersing guests in an ongoing interstellar war, including simulated battles and very lucrative sales of toy lightsaber weapons. So influencers wouldn't be able to even enter these lands without running afoul of the rules.

But just about every Disney property and ride includes physical conflict. Just to take a couple of kiddie rides: The Snow White ride includes a poisoning and a fight between seven dwarves and a witch; and "Peter Pan's Flight" features a sword/knife fight. And on and on.

And then there are the pirates.

⚫️ Politics, social issues, activism, or advocacy. This means that influencers can't inject politics or social issues into their content, but how can they avoid that in this age when, for example, just the existence of gay people is a hot political and social issue in Disney World's home state of Florida?

And of course, the Disney theme parks are full of political and social issues. For example, the "Hall of Presidents" attraction includes a presentation on slavery and the Civil War, somehow now a controversial political topic. The "Pandora – The World of Avatar" land is all about ecological conservation, anti-colonialism, and the rights of indigenous peoples.

And in June, Disney theme parks sell rainbow-themed merch for Pride Month. Are influencers prohibited from talking about or showing that?

There are other prohibited categories that are vague, or omnipresent in the parks, or both, like "A parody of current or past Disney creative, story, or character," "Creative that could frighten or upset young children or their parents" (most of all the parks, including, most notably and directly, "The Haunted Mansion"), "Illegal or unethical content," and "Sensationalism."

But the bottom line is that for influencers to follow these rules, they'd pretty much have to stay home or only visit, film, show, and write/talk about "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh" and the Dumbo ride.

Oh, wait! On the ride, Winnie has a (toy) gun!

And in the movie, Dumbo learned how to fly because he got drunk on champagne!