MAD on the bailout: Smells Like Greed Spirit

Here's a sneak peak at MAD Magazine's upcoming artwork on the bailout! Greed Spirit JPEG (Thanks, Austin!)

I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

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bigfatboris

Don’t worry about about it, the american colonies are pretty damn receptive, we’ll try and pay for the raw and unbridled capitalism, but at the same time try and pay for the debt, “that I owe personally”, for being a dickhead country!!
tim

T. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy &
Citizen of the Republic

Clearly Birkenmeier is a bit of a berk. Probably one of those that caused the problem with math skills like that.
Anonymous

I watched days of cspan waiting for one single person to refer to the American people as citizens/the people/our people/americans/etc. but they only called us taxpayers…?

So thats it huh, congress sits on its ass for years on most topics but when the very companies that pull the strings of the congress have a problem, boy they get on the damn ball! Even working weekends!

Then they spend days calling us taxpayers, because folks, thats all we are to them, not good people, not hard working citizens, not the american people, but simply payers of tax.

Ill never forget it, Bush was just getting into office and I decided to look up bush videos. One of the first ones I found was a video of him slightly drunk at a wedding. In that video he not only makes fun of the bride and groom but also the american people. The guy holding the camera says, so what do you think about the american people. And he (in a smart assed way) says I love the taxpayers, they are good little taxpayers and he laughs. I already didnt like the guy but after further research I really didnt like the guy. But the one thing I took away from that video was how good hard working men and woman of america are whittled down to just being payers of tax. Well I for one think we should all NOT PAY TAXES. Lets see if they can come up with another name for America’s citizens….
j9c

((with apologies to Nirvana & fans:))

Heed the lobbyists, they’re our friends
Here’s a bailout you won’t comprehend
You’ll surely lose and pretend
everything’s fine, until you’re sacked
Have you got your bindle packed?

Now go, oh no, hell, oh how low

….

Greed community is dangerous
Here we are now, in their big mess
Pray stupidity’s not contagious

….
All Knewman

The note below is starting to make the internet rounds. Seems like a much better idea than the shock doctrine being being forced on us. – AK

Hi Pals,

I’m against the
$85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.

Instead, I’m in favor of giving
$85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It
Dividend.

To make the math simple, let’s assume there are
200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+.

Our
population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child.
So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up..

So divide
200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion that equals $425,000.00.

My
plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It
Dividend.

Of course, it would NOT be tax free.

So let’s
assume a tax rate of 30%.

Every individual 18+ has to pay
$127,500.00 in taxes.

That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to
Uncle Sam.

But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in
their pocket.

A husband and wife has $595,000.00.

What would
you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?

Pay off your
mortgage – housing crisis solved.

Repay college loans – what a
great boost to new grads

Put away money for college – it’ll be
there

Save in a bank – create money to loan to
entrepreneurs.

Buy a new car – create jobs

Invest in the
market – capital drives growth

Pay for your parent’s medical
insurance – health care improves

Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean
- or else

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+
including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other
company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our
Armed Forces.

If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really
do it…instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( ‘vote buy’ ) economic
incentive that is being proposed
by one of our candidates for
President.

If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s
bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG – liquidate
it.

Sell off its parts.

Let American General go back to
being American General.

Sell off the real estate.

Let the
private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here’s my
rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn’t.

Sure it’s a crazy idea
that can ‘never work.’

But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block
Party!

How do you spell Economic Boom?

I trust my fellow
adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion

We Deserve It
Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC

And remember, The Birk plan
only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned
instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh…I feel so much better
getting that off my chest.

Kindest personal
regards,

Birk

T. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy &
Citizen of the Republic

PS: Feel free to pass this along to your
pals as it’s either good for a laugh or a tear or a very sobering thought
on how to best use $85 Billion!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Unfortunately, we know how the scum in govt actually does things.
Pier3

We can’t afford to fix this

Go to http://www.senate.gov

to find contact information for the senators in your state. Search for your senator by name or state by clicking on the arrow from either dropdown menu. Contact information is provided here.

Listen Up People, This is Important
Our country is in crisis. We have been living on credit from the top to the bottom. The companies we have been doing business with did not plan their budgets on their actual cash on hand but on their purposed income from doing business with you and the interest you would pay them.

If you have a history of bad credit and skipping out on debt, no problem, they’ll just charge you a higher interest rate. The problem is, they were blinded by greed and wanted their bottom line to look good. They began to feed on themselves. They took on more and more and more bad debt. We are now stuck in the cesspool of their conniving, scheming trap of credit.

The same as we don’t have enough to pay them back, they don’t have enough to pay anyone else back. I think we should all stop paying our bills, pull our money out of the banking systems and just pretend that everything in life is normal.

Do you remember a few years back Bush was pushing to privatize social security and let Wall Street have at it?

Do you remember just about a year ago when Bush was insistent that the economy was stable?

Do you remember lying to your parents when you had smoked pot drank beer or had sex and pretended that you would never do such a thing?

Come on people! Wake up! This is a crisis which is only going to get worse.

Look around you, join a cause, list your stuff on http://www.buymyshitpile.com or do something to let the government know you’re out here, you’re watching and you’re not going to sit back and just watch them destroy our country.

If you’re in the mood, organize a rally with help from these people http://www.truemajority.org Or just figure out something you can do to let it be known you are not going to take the “everything’s fine” attitude of the government anymore!

I always told my children when they were young, If you hold a single stick in your hand and you bend it hard enough, it will snap in half. If you hold two, three, four, five, etc. It gets harder and harder to break. There is strength in numbers, the larger the number, the more strength.

Anyone who knows me knows I am not one to jump on the band wagon. I don’t go with the flow and I have my own way of doing things. At this point and time though, dam straight, I’m driving the bus to the steps of the White House and yelling the loudest when the door opens! Letâ€™s move people, let’s move!
WarEagle

ummm.. $85 Billion divided by 200 Million is only $425 each. Not $425,000 each.
All Knewman

oops. Should’ve done the math first. My apologies.
eclectro

I wish people would not think of this as a “bailout” because it’s not. Think of it as “keep my job and not be in a breadline plan.”

The treasury *will be paid back*. So much as the fat cat morons that got us here, they are *few* in number and there are millions of “us.” We really can’t afford to cut off our nose to spite our face here. This really is Great Depression 2.0, not a “bailout.”

Please research out what is happening in the credit markets and why credit is so very important before you whine about a “bailout.”
dimmer

The treasury will be paid back? Sure it will…

The taxpayers can go take a flying f*** to themselves however.
Bergeboy

Hmm, What would I do with $297.50?

Put it towards food just like everyone did with that stimulus check. Sure glad that stimulated the economy.
HotPepperMan

As a minor thought, how many Republicans would lose money if the rescue plan did not go through.
wolfwitch

That’s just disturbing.
DWittSF

Dear Hanky Panky,

No more yanky my wanky!

Sincerely,
the other 99% of America
minTphresh

ohhh, nevermind.
Glossolalia Black

Man, you think it must be hard for that kid on the cover of Nevermind. Cuz everybody’s seen Spencer Elden’s weenie.

Seeing this might disturb him more, though.